


Out of These Fragments

by Hamliet



Series: Banana Fish Alternate Ending/Fix It [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-03 18:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: Fifteen years after the last case of Banana Fish was destroyed, Ash and Eiji, along with Yut-Ling and Sing, have managed to rebuild their lives. But when someone starts digging around the past, they find that some ghosts have never truly able to rest in peace.





	1. Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As a note, this fic couuuuld be seen as a sequel to my alternate ending fic "Half a Letter," but does not have to be seen as a sequel to it as there's no need to have read it beforehand.

Someone was watching him. The sounds in the library transformed from soft books fluttering as their readers turned pages, to harsh scraping of paper, the tapping of computer keys to an ominous cacophony. Ash lifted his head up, listening. His shoulders stiffened. Someone—

Hands clamped over his eyes. "Guess who!" shrieked a voice.

"Shh!" hissed a dozen people.

Ash tried to bite down a laugh. He reached up, grasping the tiny wrists and removing them from his head. "Mm... Griffin?" he offered, despise knowing it was not.

"Nope!" crowed his daughter. "Me!" She threw her arms around him, jumping onto his lap.

"Quiet!" snapped the librarian.

"Sorry," Ash said. "We have to be quiet in a library, Aurora." He held his finger to his lips.

Her dark eyes shone as she looked up at him, putting her finger to her lips and giggling. Aurora could not be quiet if her life depended on it, so Ash's current goal was to get out of the library before he got a lifetime ban. "How'd you get here?"

"Akira and Michael said we were waiting for you outside, so I snuck away," Aurora announced proudly.

"Oh, so they're probably terrified." Ash lifted her up and deposited her on her feet. He took her hand as he rose. Ibe's niece Akira was in the US for college, and for dating Jessica and Max's son. They'd met when she first came to visit New York at thirteen, right after Ash and Eiji had adopted Aurora.

"Why'd they be terrified?" asked Aurora, beaming up at him.

Ash's breath caught in his throat. Sometimes it slipped his mind just how innocent Aurora and Griffin were. His kids had no idea that the world was anything but Eiji's cooking and a host of uncles who weren't actually related to them.

"Ooh!" She hopped. "Guess what? Griffin's mad at me because he—"

"Sir, please leave," requested the librarian, rubbing her temples.

"We're going," Ash promised, ushering Aurora out. "What did you do to your brother now?"

Aurora giggled. "He has a crush on Mingyu!"

Ash froze. "What?"

"He said she was pretty." Aurora laughed. "So then I told—"

Ash was willing to bet Yut-Lung would probably be texting him within the hour demanding to know why his son had a crush on his daughter. Then again, Sing probably would be laughing his head off.

"Sir!" hissed the librarian's voice. Ash winced, turning around. "There are three rules here: no eating or drinking, no sleeping, and: _no loud talking!_ " She might have been whispering, but the disgust in her voice raged.

Ash arched his eyebrows. "We _are_ leaving."

"Don't be mean to my dad," said Aurora.

 _Yikes!_ "We are leaving _right now,_ " Ash clarified. "Don't talk back to people like that, Aurora!"

"You do it all the time," she protested as he tugged her ahead.

Ash groaned. He led Aurora down the steps, towards the lion statues that had scared Griffin when he was three, scared him so badly Ash and Eiji couldn't bring him to the library again until he was six.

Akira let out a shriek, running towards them. "You scared me!"

"I did?" Aurora's eyes widened.

"Apologize to Akira," Ash said, crouching down. "She thought something bad must've happened to you. Don't sneak away away without permission."

"Something bad? Like what?"

"Like that aliens made you vanish," Ash chose to say.

Aurora turned to Akira, lip trembling. "Sorry, Akira."

"It's okay," Akira said, breathing hard. "I'm just glad you're all right." She pulled out her phone to text Michael.

"Thanks for watching her," Ash added. Eiji had to go Christmas shopping even though the holiday was a month away, and Ash had to catch up on an article he was supposed to be writing for Max.

"No problem." Akira grinned. "Eiji already took Griffin home, but this one wanted to surprise you, so. We didn't think she meant sneaking in, though."

"Sneak is Aurora's middle name," Ash said.

"No, it's Akemi!" Aurora protested.

Ash rolled his eyes. His daughter was five, but already a complete handful. Eiji kept teasing that she was just like he must have been. Max had once mumbled something about "karma." Griffin was nine and loved books and cooking and his best friend, Mingyu, who apparently he was now crushing on and this was a whole new battle Ash was not looking forward to. Could crushes wait another ten years? Or at least until middle school?

Michael raced around the corner, face sagging in relief when he saw Aurora. "Shit, I thought my mom was going to skewer me!" His hand flew to his mouth. "Sorry, Aurora!"

"Dad says it all the time," said Aurora, looking up at Ash.

Akira dissolved into giggles. Ash's face burned.

"No, for real, my mom would have my head if we lost you," Michael said, flicking the numerous braids that Cain's girlfriend did for Aurora. "You're too valuable."

Aurora tugged at Ash's arm. "Yes?"

"Can you give me a piggyback ride?"

Ash bit back a moan. He now regretted ever mocking Jessica and Max for being old in their early thirties. "Sure." He knelt down for her to get on.

"See you, Ash!" called Akira, slipping her hand into Michael's. "We're going to a movie." Christmas carols sounded in the distance. Ash and Eiji had already agreed to spend the holiday with Jessica, Max, and Michael.

It really felt like a family.

"Bye!" called Aurora. "Thanks!"

Ash staggered home through the flurries of snow dancing on their way towards the ground. Aurora kept trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue, twisting wildly on his back so that Ash was afraid she'd lean too far back and fall off. He made it to their apartment, kicking on the door because he couldn't exactly fetch his keys with his daughter on his back.

* * *

Eiji heard a thud against the door and rolled his eyes. He opened the door. "You rang?"

"I think I have a squirrel attached to my back," Ash said seriously. "I can't get it off."

Eiji laughed, pulling a chortling Aurora off his husband. Griffin was sprawled on the floor, coloring a picture of flowers and birds. Buddy the dog lay next to Griffin, tail flopping lazily against the wooden floor.

"Is that for Mingyu?" crooned Aurora, dropping down next to the brother she idolized even if she would never admit it to him. "Ooh, it's pretty!"

"Stop, Aurora!" yelped Griffin, face turning red. Eiji arched his eyebrows, looking to Ash.

"He _likes_ her," Aurora announced.

"I do not!"

"Don't say that in front of her; that'd hurt her feelings!"

 _Wait…_ Eiji's brain put the pieces together. He crouched down. "We don't tease people about their feelings here, Aurora."

Her eyes widened. She stuck her thumb in her mouth. "Oh. Sorry, Griffin."

Griffin was still scowling.

"Want to help me cook?" Eiji invited his son. Griffin nodded, leaping to his feet instantly. Griffin liked to cook, to study, and to paint. Eiji always teased Ash that Griffin clearly had Ash's brain even if he was adopted. "How's the article, Ash?"

"It goes." Ash leaned against the wall, sighing. "I thought someone was watching me in the library today, but it turned out to be Aurora." His voice stayed hesitant.

Eiji started boiling water for rice, Griffin pulling up a stool and helping Eiji measure out spices. Eiji glanced at Ash. _Were you actually worried? Do you think there's a reason to be?_

Ash shrugged in response to his unspoken questions. And then that familiar shame creased his brow, the shame that spelled out how worried he was that he was still affected, still burdened.

 _But you aren't in so many ways._ Eiji squeezed Ash's hand.

"The librarian yelled at us," announced Aurora, patting Buddy. "'Cause I was loud."

Griffin snorted. "You don't say," Eiji said patiently.

"I told her not to yell at Dad, though," Aurora added.

"Oh, yes, that reminds me," Ash said, pointing at her. "We don't talk back to adults, either, unless they are being scary."

"She was being scary. She was mean to you."

"That'd be scary for me," Griffin said, pushing his glasses up his nose. Last year the doctors made him get him glasses for things like reading and coloring, and Griffin had cried, saying he'd look ugly and get teased, and all Eiji could remember was how terrified he was of the same thing, how Ibe bought him contacts in the end. But glasses didn't make Griffin ugly, or anything other than what he was: Eiji's son, Ash's son. And Eiji loved every bit of his son and daughter, their hilarity, Griffin's sensitivity and Aurora's mischievousness. Freckles dotted Griffin's nose, and a shy smile was almost always present on his lips.

"Scary as in—" Ash stopped. He looked to Eiji.

 _Not today,_ Eiji understood. "Griffin, Buddy's probably hungry," he cut in.

Griffin hopped down from the stool to feed Buddy, their dog. The dog licked his face. Griffin grinned.

"I don't know what I was supposed to say," Ash muttered later, after the kids were in bed, Aurora having regaled them all with the tale of playing tag with Akira and Michael all day. "'Unless someone's trying to abduct you? Hurt you? Makes you uncomfortable?'"

"I don't know." Eiji sighed. It wasn't easy, trying to protect their kids, trying to keep them wise but innocent, never knowing when they might tilt too far off the tightrope, hoping they didn't fall.

At least they had each other to reach for the other's hand if one of them leaned too far one way, if they started to fall. Eiji rubbed his thumb over Ash's knuckles.

"Does Griffin really have a crush on Mingyu?" whispered Eiji, changing the subject.

Ash arched his eyebrows. "Ask him."

"It's cute." Eiji smiled.

Ash made a gagging noise.

"You love Mingyu!"

"Sure, but do you not believe Yut-Lung will poison us if they ever go out?"

"They're in third grade, Ash."

Ash scowled.

"Akira and Michael seem to be doing well."

"Yep." Ash pushed his hair back.

Eiji leaned against Ash, both of them sitting on the couch. They had matching rings, white gold, the words _forever_ engraved on the inside of the bands. "What's the article about?"

"Mm, the way veterans are treated." Ash sighed. "Aurora doesn't get it. When she vanished, she scared Akira and Michael, but she was just sneaking around trying to find me. I always—she reminds me of how I was hiding in the woods to surprise Griffin that Halloween when I was a kid. She doesn't have anything to be afraid of other than imaginary monsters. And Griffin's just in awe of Mingyu, instead of afraid that someone will harm her. And I'm still afraid the next shoe will drop."

"That doesn't make you broken," said Eiji. "You don't have to think it's bad to worry about that, Ash. It's understandable."

Ash leaned his head against Eiji's. "They really like me, though." His voice sounded bewildered, amazed. "Aurora told the librarian off for me. Which probably made things worse, but still. My kids like me."

"They _love_ you," Eiji pointed out.

"I'm afraid of losing them. Aurora reminds me of Skip—spunky, and—"

"I'm afraid of that, too," Eiji said softly.

"Huh?" Ash blinked.

"I've always been afraid of that," Eiji said. "You slipping away. One of them now, too. It's scary." _We're both afraid, in some ways._ "I don't want to lose any of you. You're—they're not going to hate you, Ash. No matter what." _You worry that one day they'll know, they'll see, right?_

Ash snuggled back against Eiji. He liked this, when Ash demanded closeness, liked the warmth of Ash against him.

Eiji heard a soft footstep in the hallway. "Yes?" he called.

"I need water," said Griffin, heading to the sink.

"Are you reading by flashlight again?" questioned Ash.

"No."

"Turn it off by 9:30, okay?"

Griffin turned around, smiling. "'Kay."

Ash swallowed. He closed his eyes. Griffin headed back to his room, shutting the door. And then his phone rang. He snorted and held it up.

Yut-Lung.

Eiji smirked. "Guess Xiaoli or Jingwei tattled."

* * *

"You should call them," Sing said, biting his lip. The kids were all in bed, though knowing Xiaoli, she'd be up again in an hour or so. Trying to get Xiaoli to stay in bed was like an exercise in patience, which thankfully Sing had lots of, because Yut-Lung did not and frequently found himself in tears wondering what God he needed to pray to to get the kid to sleep.

Yut-Lung paced back and forth. "I don't want to worry them if it's nothing."

His husband peered at him from where he sat at the foot of their bed. " _You're_ worried, though."

Yut-Lung exhaled, nodding. He eyed Sing, wondering if the word "irrational" would emerge.

"Call them," Sing said, instead of judging.

 _Thank you._ Yut-Lung dropped down next to Sing, dialing Ash's number.

"Yes?" came Ash's dry voice.

"Yo, Ash," called Sing.

"We were expecting your call. Is Yut-Lung about to blow a gasket? Because I'll have to take my son's side in this."

Eiji chuckled in the background. Sing's eyebrows drew together.

"Besides, hasn't Bones been planning Griffin and Mingyu's wedding since—"

"What are you talking about?" Yut-Lung snapped. "Unfortunately, Ash, I have some unfortunate news that isn't for laughing." He drew in his breath, squeezing his fists together. Sing put his hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. Yut-Lung looked up into Sing's face. Gone were the days where Yut-Lung used to look down at him, and instead now, he looked up to Sing physically as well as in every other aspect.

But Sing never looked down at him. Not in any way other than physical.

"I'm listening." Ash's voice darkened.

"Eiji too?"

"I'm here," said Eiji.

"Good." Yut-Lung exhaled. "I got a phone call today from a reporter. And they were asking questions about you."

"Me," Ash said, voice flat.

"You," Yut-Lung confirmed. "And—Banana Fish."

Silence. And then— "What do you mean?"

"They asked me some questions about you, saying they were working on a story about you. I said it was true I was your friend, but I wasn't answering questions about friends, and they didn't answer questions about the story when I asked. They then said that they'd heard we didn't start as friends, but rather as enemies who fought on opposite sides over something called Banana Fish, and they asked me to tell them about it." Yut-Lung gulped. "I told them I had no idea what they were talking about, and that I wouldn't give a story on a friend, and that surely they understood, and then I hung up."

"How do they know about that?" Ash whispered.

"I haven't the slightest clue. I haven't—I've tried not to think about it, and—"

"Max and Jessica wouldn't, and neither would my friends, or Cain—we saw him just last weekend. Aurora wanted her hair braided."

"I haven't asked Blanca, but secrets _are_ kind of his thing," Yut-Lung said. "Still, I'll call him."

"Thanks."

"Her name was Rebecca Wiley. I looked into her. Didn't find much; she's a freelancer. Some published articles about nursing home safety and local school science fairs and other such topics." Yut-Lung swallowed. "Nothing strange has happened? You had no idea of this story?"

"No idea," Ash confirmed. "Today… I was telling Eiji I felt like someone was watching me in the library, though. But then Aurora had snuck away and surprised me, so it was probably just her."

Sing met Yut-Lung's gaze. "You don't think it was just her," Sing cut in. "I can hear it in your voice. Your instincts have seldom been wrong since I've known you."

Ash groaned. "Do you have the number for this woman?"

"Yep. I'll send you everything I have." Yut-Lung closed his eyes. If Ash and Eiji were worried too…

This wasn't like last time. They weren't criminals now, not exactly. They had a lot on their side.

_And we have kids._

_Please. Not again_.

Yut-Lung remembered how he'd called loved ones a weakness for Ash. They weren't. And yet—and yet—

No matter what, he had to protect them.

"Hey, what were you thinking we were calling about in the first place?" Sing asked.

"Oh." Eiji laughed. "Griffin has a crush on Mingyu."

" _What?"_ screeched Yut-Lung.

* * *

He'd never really thought about having kids. He hadn't planned to live long, and then when Sing opened up a path to living for him, helping him stumble along, he was focused just on the immediate tasks, like getting Chinatown under control and figuring out how to best wriggle his way out of the organized crime world. And he and Sing were just kids, at first.

Mingyu was born eight years ago to one of his servants. Yut-Lung didn't know the woman very well, but he'd told her to take as much time off as she needed when she announced that she was expecting. Except once she had her kid, Sing insisted on taking her food. And then chaos erupted to the point where Sing called and begged him to come to her quarters. The woman screamed and sobbed about how the father had left her, how he never wanted a baby, how he had moved across the country, how he wanted her to come with him but not with a baby.

And she said she was going. That she was leaving her daughter, whom she hadn't even named. She handed Yut-Lung a resignation and said she'd already signed away rights to her child.

And he remembered standing there, shocked that a woman could walk away from her child like that when his mother loved him, died screaming his name. Ash's own story about his mother echoed and echoed in Yut-Lung's brain, and his heart broke.

_Get back here!_

_Your daughter needs you!_

But they didn't want her.

_Why? How?_

It was a day later that Yut-Lung arrived home, sober and with his shoulders slumped, to find Sing singing a horribly off-key lullaby to a newborn baby girl cradled in his arms. Yut-Lung had stopped still, his briefcase clattering to the floor as he gawped.

"Oh hi," Sing had called. "I just went to check up on her, and they said—I mean—she was crying, and I picked her up, and she stopped crying, and I—"

"She's crying _now_ , Sing," Yut-Lung had pointed out.

"But she'll calm down!"

"What are you thinking? You're still a college student!" Because Yut-Lung knew the look in Sing's eyes, that determination, that stupid faith in humanity that Yut-Lung possessed not a shred of by himself, but occasionally decided to borrow from his boyfriend.

"You're rich; it's fine." Sing got to his feet and deposited the baby in Yut-Lung's arms.

"Sing, you can't just—" Yut-Lung had begun, but then the baby stopped crying and looked up at him with her sweet eyes, and Yut-Lung couldn't say anything but: "Oh."

And then Sing had trouble taking her from Yut-Lung's arms. Yut-Lung carried her around everywhere. He bought one of those things to wear your baby, and he wore her any time he left the house. His money, that stupid Lee family money, went to finalizing the adoption. And he'd never forget when they asked Ash and Eiji and Blanca to come over for dinner a week after they'd taken her in, and Eiji started laughing when he saw Yut-Lung holding the infant, and Ash looked as terrified as Yut-Lung felt sometimes, and Blanca spluttered the same kinds of things Yut-Lung had initially said to Sing: _you're too young what are you thinking how is this going to work you really want to?_

"I _want_ her," Yut-Lung finally interrupted. "Her parents don't. Shouldn't she feel wanted? Shouldn't all kids?"

"We're naming her Mingyu," said Sing, plopping down next to Yut-Lung and taking Mingyu from his arms. Yut-Lung scowled. "It means 'bright jade.'"

"It's not for you though, Ash," said Yut-Lung.

"Yes, it is," said Sing.

"I suggested it!"

"Well, that's partially why I agreed!"

The baby had spit up then, and far from being annoyed, Yut-Lung could only shake his head and wipe her face. Ash's eyebrows had almost lifted clear off his forehead in shock.

They seldom used the nannies they could have afforded. Yut-Lung wanted to raise her. Mingyu liked coming with Yut-Lung to his meetings. And that first Christmas, Sing asked Yut-Lung to marry him, saying Mingyu ought to have two married parents, and leaving her with Blanca for their honeymoon a few months later gave Yut-Lung massive anxiety. It had all turned out all right, though.

And a few years later, when they traveled to Hong Kong and Sing visited an orphanage and came back begging to give Mingyu siblings, specifically two biological siblings aged two and one, whose parents had been killed in a factory accident, Yut-Lung feared that he wouldn't love any other kids as much as he loved Mingyu.

He was so wrong. Xiaoli was now six and Jingwei five. Jingwei had been born with a cleft palate and lip, though now all that remained of that was a lisp, and Xiaoli was said to be a boy but seemed to copy all things Mingyu did and insisted she was a girl, so now Yut-Lung and Sing had two daughters and one son.

And he was not going to let anything happen to them. Mingyu was already eight and still asked him to read to her every night until she fell asleep. Xiaoli was the age he was when they murdered his mother and abused him. He couldn't fathom anyone hurting a child that small, who still looked up at him with big eyes every morning, who also loved his stories. Jingwei was younger, so trusting in his life with his parents and siblings, happy, changing what he wanted to grow up to be every other day, because he had a world of possibilities for him, instead of a world of dragons.

"Their son has a crush on my daughter," Yut-Lung mumbled, staring up at the ceiling.

"I mean, Mingyu's had a crush on him for ages. She follows him around like—"

"What?" Yut-Lung turned over, staring at Sing. "They're just friends!"

"Obviously, they're in elementary school. But they also have a case of puppy love. It's cute."

Yut-Lung scowled.

"Don't you dare say anything to Mingyu about it," Sing warned.

Yut-Lung buried his face in his pillow, mumbling.

"They'll be all right," Sing said. "Whatever's going on, Yut-Lung, with the reporter. They'll all be all right."

"Are you implying I'm going to channel my stress over this onto them having a crush—"

"You already are—"

Yut-Lung rolled over again, meeting Sing's eyes. "I never had a crush as a kid. I have no idea what that's like. They're so innocent." _I want to protect that._

"I had lots of them," Sing said, reaching down and running his fingers through Yut-Lung's hair. "Mostly on guys, but I think I told myself it was just admiration for the longest time."

"Yeah, since I met you I picked up on the Shorter, Ash, and Cain ones."

"But it took you forever to pick up on the _you_ one?"

"I mean, we're married, I'd say I've realized. And I kissed you first, so—"

Sing pressed his lips against Yut-Lung's, pressing all the stress and words out of Yut-Lung. He cupped Yut-Lung's face. "They're going to be okay, Yut-Lung. I promise."

Yut-Lung exhaled. _I don't know, Sing. I'm scared._

_I trust you, though._

"Daddy?" Xiaoli.

Yut-Lung and Sing both sat up. "Yes?" Yut-Lung hoped she hadn't overheard.

"Can I have another story?"

"If you fall asleep, your brain will tell you a nice dream that's like another story," Sing offered in desperation.

Well, as of the next morning it became clear she'd heard some of it, since Mingyu sauntered into the kitchen, hands on her hips, and immediately demanded to know why they didn't like that she had a crush on Griffin and he had one on her.

"I like it very much!" Sing eked out.

 _I really was born under an unlucky star_. Yut-Lung forced a smile.

"She is totally your daughter," mumbled Sing as Mingyu flipped her long onyx hair over her shoulder.

Yut-Lung watched as Mingyu pulled out chairs for Jingwei, Xiaoli, and Jingwei's imaginary friend Evie who had to share Jingwei's food every day.

"She's not _real_ ," grumbled Xiaoli.

"Yes, she is," said Mingyu patiently, cutting off Jingwei from sobbing and defending the honor of Evie's existence. "She's just shy, so you can't see her."

"She's just as much your daughter." Yut-Lung smiled. Mingyu's kindness and thoughtfulness—she reminded him of his mother, and even more of Sing.

* * *

 

 

**Kid Profile:**

_ Aurora Akemi Okumura _

_ Age: 5 _

_ Birthday: April 26 _

_ Likes: Pranks, bread, dogs, teasing her brother. _

_Dislikes: Waking up, being quiet._


	2. Little Jasmine

When Sing reached for his phone midway through the day on Monday, he thought it would be Ash with news on the reporter, or Yut-Lung with news from Ash.

Instead, it was their kids' school, the same elementary school Ash and Eiji's kids attended and if Cain ever had kids, where they would go, considering it was the best school in New York and Yut-Lung had a way of convincing Ash and Eiji to let him pay. Sing answered quickly. Was one of them sick?

"There's been an incident with Xiaoli and Jingwei Sing," the receptionist told him. "It'd be good if you could come down quickly."

"Are they okay?" Sing blurted out.

"Yes."

 _Shit_. Sing texted Yut-Lung as he jumped in his car, speeding over to the school. His mind churned with all sorts of horrible ideas— _what if_ —she said they were okay, but did that really mean—

Sing burst into the principal's office to see Xiaoli crying in a chair cushioned in a garish orange, a chair that was way too big for her. Jingwei huddled next to his sister. Relief shot through Sing at the sight of them. He scrambled over to them.

"Dad!" shrieked Jingwei. Xiaoli wailed, crying harder.

Sing glanced at the receptionist. "Xiaoli, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"She punched one of the boys in my class," said Jingwei, his lisp very prevalent like it always was when he was upset. "They were mean."

"What?" Now Sing's blood boiled. He removed his sunglasses. "Xiaoli, it's okay, all right? I'm here." He pulled his daughter closer to his chest. Her pigtails were mussed. He rubbed her back. She threw her arms around his neck.

"Mr. Sing?" asked the principal's voice. He was a stodgy kind of man, grizzled beard and eyes with deep circles shadowing an upturned nose. His shirt was buttoned too tightly, up to the top of his collar. Sing glanced down at his ripped jeans and leather jacket.

" _I don't want them to have the Lee name," Yut-Lung had insisted. "Please."_

" _But they're your children too. That's a part of your legacy," Sing had pointed out._

" _I know," said Yut-Lung. "But, please. Let their name be free from that, at least."_

He followed the principal—Miller, according to the plaque on his desk—into his office, Jingwei trailing and Xiaoli not letting go of his neck. Sing's brain was still trying to put the pieces together. Xiaoli, punch someone? She liked sports and was always trying to play soccer with him or Lao outside, but she wasn't violent. Kids got into fights all the time. Because they were kids and didn't know how else to solve things.

 _Some never learn, and some learn late._ He flexed his hand, and felt dragon fang.

"Your daughter punched a boy at recess today."

Sing sighed. "I heard."

"He was making fun of how I talk," Jingwei piped up.

Sing gritted his teeth. He didn't want Xiaoli to solve all her problems through punching people. But if the kids were at it again… Yut-Lung had already been sent a note home from Jingwei's teacher about bullying beforehand, and Yut-Lung had cried that night, worrying about if they should homeschool their son or not. " _I don't want him to feel like he's less than any of them. It's a terrible way for a child to feel."_

" _Isolating kids doesn't help either," Sing had pointed out, and Yut-Lung had bitten his lip so hard he almost bled, but agreed._

"The boy claims he was just asking Jingwei to wait his turn to use the basketball. Xiaoli was playing with them."

"He was," said Jingwei. "But then he said I was—stupid—'cause I can't talk right!"

Sing narrowed his eyes. "Xiaoli?"

"He imitated his voice," mumbled Xiaoli, pulling herself away from Sing with a hiccup. "And then he—called me a boy too and so I—"

Sing wiped her tears with his thumbs. "It's okay, Xiaoli." He glared at the principal. "This isn't acceptable."

"I agree, but we've no proof who is—"

"It's two against one?"

"Yes, but—"

"I don't want to hear about bullying at this school again," Sing said.

"If you and your wife—"

"Husband, actually," Sing cut in.

The principal's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, of course."

"Xiaoli will write an apology and do whatever punishment you have for her," Sing said. "As I agree. Xiaoli, you can't punch people. No matter what. Punching them won't solve anything. But my kids aren't going to be bullied here. I know Jingwei's dealt with it in his class."

"An apology and a day's suspension," confirmed Mr. Miller. "Jingwei is not in trouble, of course. He was screaming when his teacher tried to make him go back to class, so—"

"I'll sign him out, too," said Sing. "And pick up Mingyu later. Is she—"

"She was upset, but her teacher said she's okay in class." Mr. Miller rose. "I know we're not perfect, but we're trying here, Mr. Sing."

 _I wish you could try harder._ Still, Sing nodded.

He carried Xiaoli out to the car. She was still sniffling. Sing slammed the door, climbing into the driver's seat with the kids buckled in the back.

"Are you mad at me?" Xiaoli finally eked out.

He exhaled. "No. But if you do that again if there are any other options, I will give you no dessert for a week." Sing glanced in the rearview mirror.

"Noah's mean."

"He sounds it, but get a teacher next time." _You don't have to handle everything yourself._

_But what if teachers won't help?_

_I hate this. I wish the world was a better place._

_There aren't easy answers._ "Not because I don't want you to stop it, but because I don't want you to get in trouble. You're very upset."

Xiaoli sniffled.

"It's my fault," Jingwei mumbled. "No one likes me except Aurora, and Evie. Everyone says I sound too weird. I'm—"

Xiaoli bit her lip. " _I_ like you."

"Yeah, but friends. You're just a sister."

"Evie isn't even real! I'm real!"

"Evie doesn't yell at me!"

"Evie also doesn't punch—"

"Hey!" Sing cut in. "I mean it, Xiaoli. Stop it. And Jingwei, this—it is not because of you." Sing pulled into their driveway. His heart thumped.

He remembered the nights he lay awake, staring at a cracked ceiling, wondering, wondering if it was all because of him, his weakness, because he wasn't cut out to be a boss, to protect his guys. He'd spent countless nights listening to Yut-Lung wake up with a start, a sharp gasp, seeing in his eyes that he was asking himself if he was worth anything because of what created him, if the blood in his veins stamped him with a life story before he'd lived it.

_Don't blame yourself._

_I love you, Yut-Lung_. It was all he could say in those moments, and stroke his hair, and Yut-Lung would lean back into his palm.

"I hate my voice," grumbled Jingwei.

Sing flinched, turning around in his seat. "Well, I _love_ your voice. Lisp or no lisp."

"Why?"

"Because it's _your_ voice," said Sing.

"Noah said that with Jingwei and me, you must be embarrassed," whispered Xiaoli.

_Bullshit, break his nose next time._

_No, Sing, be an adult_. "I don't care how different or unusual it is. It's your voice. You're my kids, you and Mingyu. You're never a burden. Even if Xiaoli goes and beats up Noah next time, breaks his arm, I'll still come for you. Even if one of you makes fun of the other one, I'll be upset, but I would never be embarrassed to call you my kids. Even if you killed people or yelled at each other 24/7."

_I can't hate you._

_I love you both just because you exist._

He could see it bleeding out from Xiaoli, though, in all she said and did. She just wanted to know she was wanted. She couldn't remember the orphanage, but they'd been honest about her background and Mingyu's from the beginning, and while Jingwei and Mingyu seemed well adjusted, Xiaoli seemed to be struggling, worrying that she was a burden constantly, believing she had to protect her brother.

_Please let it be enough._

Xiaoli giggled. "I'd _never_ do that!"

 _I have,_ Sing thought. _And so has Yut-Lung, and Ash, and your Uncle Lao and Grandpa Blanca._ "Hey," he added. "Kids used to make fun of me for being such a shrimp as a kid. Uncle Lao and our friend Shorter beat them up for me once. Badly. They got expelled, actually." He frowned.

"Nadia's brother?" asked Xiaoli.

"That's right." Sing turned off the car.

"Evie says Noah is mean," Jingwei reported.

"Evie's not real," snapped Xiaoli again, now that they were back to Jingwei's magical imaginary friend.

"Yes, she is! I made her real because I drew her so much!"

Sing moaned.

* * *

"I'll kill the little shithead," Lao declared.

"Lao, he's a kid too!"

"Can I buy Xiaoli a present to reward her?"

"Lao, for God's sake." Sing rolled his eyes. He'd been responsible and made Xiaoli study instead of playing outside during the day. Then again, it was borderline too cold to go outside even with mittens. Yut-Lung had texted that he was writing the principal a very strongly worded email, which Sing felt certain meant poor Mr. Miller was about to be reduced to ribbons by Yut-Lung's sharp tongue. But at least Yut-Lung hadn't suggested pulling them from school again.

The door opened. Yut-Lung, with Mingyu. She raced to Sing.

"Talk to you later, Lao," Sing said. "Princess is home."

Mingyu almost knocked him over with her hug. "Sorry, Dad. I didn't see what was—happening until Griffin got me, and then—"

"Not your fault," Sing assured her. "Xiaoli is okay. So is Jingwei."

"But I'm the oldest. I should take care of them."

 _This part of Lao is not welcome here_. Sing shook his head, rubbing her head. "You did nothing wrong, Mingyu."

She swallowed and nodded.

"Mingyu," whined Xiaoli, appearing in the corner. "Help me with math?"

Mingyu nodded, hurrying after her sister. Yut-Lung scooped Jingwei up in his arms, meeting Sing's eyes.

_You want to protect them from everything._

_So do I._

_Why weren't you protected?_

"Akira called about coming over for makeup advice for a big date with Michael," said Yut-Lung, rolling his eyes, but he smiled.

"Can I watch?" called Mingyu, perched on the couch next to Xiaoli, who wrinkled her nose.

"Yes." Yut-Lung smirked. He set Jingwei down. "I spoke to Ash and he got in touch briefly with the reporter, but they kind of blew him off. Ibe said he would be looking—"

The doorbell rang. Sing arched his eyebrows. "Akira?"

"No, a special guest for dinner." Yut-Lung smirked. "To discuss things. Ash doesn't want things getting out, not when he's got kids to worry about. Their ages wouldn't protect them from their peers. It's best if no one talks to the reporter, but sooner or later someone's bound to. Kong, Bones, Alex, and Cain already refused interviews, but someone else will talk."

"I'll tell my guys who're still around if they do, I'll retaliate," Sing stated. An empty threat. Wasn't it? Or was it not? He'd left the underworld.

"They'll listen," Yut-Lung said. "They all still respect you."

Sing relaxed.

One of the servants led Blanca into the room.

"Blanca!" shrieked Jingwei, racing towards him. "Make me fly, Blanca!" He raised his arms up.

"What am I, chopped liver," mumbled Sing. "He's not _that_ much taller than me."

Yut-Lung snickered. Sing would never forget the time he and Yut-Lung got Blanca to watch the kids a few years ago, and returned from their trip to find Blanca with his hair braided by Mingyu and running around pretending to be a grumpy bear chasing them as they shrieked and giggled. Yut-Lung videotaped it for a few minutes before Blanca saw and threatened to destroy the tape. And he could have, but thus far he hadn't, not even when they shared it with Ash and Eiji.

 _They'll be okay,_ Sing thought. _We're all going to protect them, and Ash, you too._

And hey. "On the topic of the bullying: worst case scenario, we ask Blanca to teach Jingwei some self defense," Sing hissed.

Yut-Lung tapped his chin as if considering.

"A joke!"

"Dad?" Mingyu peered up at him.

"Yes?"

"What's going on with this reporter and Ash?"

Yut-Lung's skin turned the color of curdled milk.

"Nothing," Sing said, ruffling Mingyu's hair.

She frowned. "You send us to our rooms if we lie."

 _Dammit_. Sing exhaled. "You know how kids bully Jingwei for his lisp?"

Mingyu nodded, folding her arms, standing exactly like Yut-Lung always did.

"Well, some reporter wants to bully Ash," said Sing. "A lot of people do. But you don't need to worry. We're adults, and we'll stop them."

Mingyu scowled. "But Ash is the best."

Sing snorted. Yut-Lung smirked. He didn't even care. He knew Mingyu was his little princess. Sing's heart lifted.

"Why are adults so mean?"

"That," Sing said. "Is a good question."

"They should write a report saying how awesome all of you are," Mingyu declared. "You and Daddy and Eiji and Ash too." She turned, flouncing towards Blanca, probably to show him her new barrette.

Yut-Lung sighed. "Good job."

* * *

"If you were that reporter," said Eiji, propping his chin up on his hand as they lay in their darkened room. "What would you do?"

Ash moaned. "Give up the story."

"You don't give up on anything, Ash. I remember you and Shorter playing a Monopoly game until five in the morning on that road trip."

Ash hit Eiji over the head with his pillow. Eiji laughed. He closed his eyes. "Probably track down friends and relatives."

"You've already thought about this." It wasn't a question.

Ash exhaled. "It's hardly on my list of places I want to go, Eiji. I doubt he'd talk to any reporter, anyway. Pull a gun on them and tell them to get off his lawn, more likely."

Eiji said nothing.

"He hasn't seen Aurora since she was two, and Griffin six," Ash admitted. They did mail Christmas cards. Some years, anyways. Not this year, when Ash wasn't sure they ought to send pictures of their kids' faces through the post.

"I'd go with you," Eiji said. "We could have Max watch the kids, or Yut-Lung and Sing."

"Nah, if we go, he'd at least like to see them," Ash said. "Probably. And he'd ask about them and be mad if I don't bring them, so long as we take them away at night." Though his father hadn't attended their wedding celebration, and seemed to view it as odd that he and Eiji were married and adopting kids. But he had enjoyed teaching Griffin how to bake last time they visited, because Griffin asked him about one of Jennifer's old recipes. Or at least, he ruffled Griffin's hair and told him he was a budding chef. That was as close as he came to looking like he was enjoying anything.

Guilt pinched Ash over Jennifer again. Eiji rested his hand on Ash's shoulder.

He used to be willing to do anything for those hair ruffles himself, whenever Griffin took him to visit his father. But he heard him telling Jennifer. " _Once Griff leaves, we'll have to deal with that kid all on our own."_

" _Aslan is sweet!" she'd protested._

_Why didn't you want me? Was it just because I reminded you of my mother? Why did you choose her over Griffin's mother? Why?_

* * *

Ash remembered the shock settling in his stomach like a huge bowling ball when he and Eiji went over for dinner and found Yut-Lung and Sing with an infant. But she was beautiful, Mingyu was, and adorable, and she laughed when Eiji made faces at her, and she fell asleep in Ash's arms and cried when Sing lifted her away.

"Would you ever want to?" Eiji asked him a few days later, and Ash's stomach had somersaulted, sweat prickling on the back of his neck, his throat tightening up.

"And what?" he'd asked, voice cold. "Have them write essays like 'my dad is a fireman!' 'mine is a soldier' and 'mine is a former porn star and hooker and gang-leading murderer!'"

Silence. Ash clamped his palms to his face. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"I always wrote that my dad was kind," Eiji said quietly. "Even though he couldn't work, because he was dying." He'd passed away a year before.

"I wrote mine was a soldier," Ash said finally. "Griffin." He flopped down, elbow resting over his eyes.

"We don't have to," Eiji added. "I was just—wondering."

"I know," Ash said. "I'm sorry for snapping." _But if you were with someone else, some nice girl_ —or, okay, guy, since Eiji had once admitted to Ash that he'd never been interested in a single girl— _you might._

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Ash asked, feigning innocence.

"Blame yourself." Eiji peered up at him, hugging a pillow to his chest. "I want to be with you, remember?"

Did he remember. He'd almost had a heart attack when he asked Eiji to marry him, and cried when Eiji said yes. And then they went to city hall with Cain and Alex and signed papers, and then Jessica and Max and Yut-Lung and Sing blew up at them, calling Nadia Wong and getting her and Charlie involved too, and then they had a celebration at Chang Dai. All paid for by Yut-Lung.

He brought it up with Max next, asking him about having kids, how he knew that it was okay with Michael. Max told him Michael wasn't planned, but that it hadn't mattered. Ash framed each aspect of the conversation as "how could Yut-Lung ever do this; Sing I understand but _Yut-Lung_ " "how could he not be terrified constantly" "especially someone with his life" until Max finally saw through the bullshit, clapped Ash on the shoulder, and told him that if he and Eiji ever decided to adopt, they'd figure it out. "No one figures it out ahead of time."

Ash hung his head.

"I think Jessica and I became better parents once we knew how much we had fucked up," Max added. "Which you, by the way, pointed out to us, Ash."

Ash cringed, remembering Michael's birthday in California.

It was a few months later until Ash brought it up to Yut-Lung, because he knew Yut-Lung was better than anyone he knew at keeping secrets. And a few more months until Yut-Lung told him he knew of a baby boy, eighteen months old, up for adoption. His mother had been a prostitute murdered by a client, and he was half-Asian. And Ash spent the entire first six months terrified he was accidentally going to drop or poison or otherwise harm the kid.

But he loved Griffin, and he was the one who asked Eiji for another adoption a few years later. Aurora they'd adopted as an infant.

And they were what he was most proud of in his entire life.

* * *

"Wow!" Aurora peered out the car window, watching as they drove over the Bourne bridge to Cape Cod. "This place is so cool!"

Ash nodded, even though he felt slightly nauseated. Eiji glanced at him.

It was another half hour before they rolled down the road towards the diner. He and Eiji entered, Aurora clinging to Eiji's pant leg. Griffin glanced around, his eyes lighting up when he saw his grandfather. Ash's chest burned.

His father arched his eyebrows.

"Hi!" chirped Aurora, waving one of her pink mittens. "I'm Aurora. I'm five."

"Hi," Griffin said quietly, shyly. Some of the customers, grizzled elderly men who looked as if they ate the same eggs benedict every morning, turned to watch.

Ash's face reddened. "Nice to see you, old man."

His father sighed. "Want breakfast?"

"I'm _starving_ ," Aurora announced. "We got up when it was still dark out!"

 _Yes, and you kicked me when I pulled you out of bed,_ Ash thought with a wry smile.

"Can I help you?" asked Griffin.

His father almost smiled. "Not unless you're a licensed chef. In a few years. Pancakes okay?"

Ash sighed. Great, a sugar-high would make for an excellent five hour ride back down to New York City when Aurora eventually crashed.

"Sure," Eiji chirped.

To his credit, his father put extra strawberries and whipped cream on the kids' pancakes.

"Want me to take the kids to the beach?" Eiji asked. "We can walk along the shoreline; Griffin likes the ocean. You guys can talk. Or do you want me here?"

Ash gulped. "I want you here, but I don't want them here."

Eiji nodded. He squeezed Ash's hand.

"Still making that marriage work, huh?" his father commented once he'd closed the diner.

Ash helped him wipe down counters and tables. "Yeah. Eiji's someone I love."

"Griffin's a sweet kid. Reminds me of his namesake."

Ash swallowed. "Yeah, he reminds me of him too."

"Aurora seems like she's a handful."

"In the best way," Ash agreed, dipping the rag inside a bucket of cleaning fluid. It stung his chapped knuckles. "Griffin's got straight As."

"Gonna keep him in school, or let him join a gang when he gets old enough?"

Ash stiffened. "He's not allowed to join any gangs." He'd already told Eiji. The second Griff or Aurora showed any signs of hanging out with the wrong crowd, he was packing them up and moving them to Japan.

"Guess he doesn't seem the type. Too sensitive." His father scrubbed at a coffee stain. "Then again, you weren't much different. You were sensitive and quiet, too."

Ash closed his eyes. He remembered the jack o'lantern, huddling in the woods alone, scared of his reflection. "Well, I was raped and you told me to make him pay. I kinda didn't have much of a chance."

His father froze.

The words bubbled up, words twisting and churning and tumbling like nausea that he couldn't keep in. Rancid and rotting, too long stored inside, they poured out of him. "Why did you do that?" Ash asked. "Why didn't you—why—"

"You don't un—"

"I have two kids of my own! And I'd never let—if anyone hurt them, I'd—" Ash's lips trembled.

"What? Kill them? You've killed for far less—"

"What do you even know?" Ash bellowed. He clenched his fists. He couldn't imagine—Griffin was older than he'd been, and he—Mingyu was the same age he was when he killed the coach— _they're so innocent!_

_Did you ever love me?_

_No, you did. I know you did._

_And somehow that makes it hurt worse._

"I understand him more than you think," Blanca had once said about Ash's dad. "You don't always know how to love people, and you're afraid."

 _Well, I don't have that luxury_!

Ash closed his eyes. "Forget it. I didn't come here to fight." He pried his eyes open. His father's face looked older than ever, lined and drooping, lonely and swollen. "There's a reporter who seems determined to hunt down information on me. And on Griff—my brother Griff. They'll probably come calling here." He swallowed.

"And you want me to—"

"Not tell them anything," Ash said. "Please."

_In all the ways you weren't a father to me. Be one now._

His father exhaled. "Fine."

"Thank you." Ash dumped the murky water down the drain.

"But don't you think your kids will find out anyway?"

Ash clutched the faucet. The water ran too hot, steaming. It wasn't entirely that. It was dangerous. But his father didn't know about Banana Fish.

"You can't hide it forever; everyone knows—"

"I'm not _hiding_ anything," Ash shot back, snapping the water off. "I'm—giving them what they need to know and not more. And if they eventually find out, fine, so be it, but I don't want it to be through some shitty newspaper article!"

"You're going to eventually tell them you were a whore?" His dad shook his head.

Ash wanted to insist no, because he never wanted to tell them. Not ever. But he wasn't going to give his father the satisfaction. "Maybe."

" _It's not your fault,"_ Eiji insisted.

" _I'm proud of you for surviving," Max said. "You're the bravest person I know, Ash."_

" _Don't ever think," Eiji assured him, cupping his face. "That I'm—"_

"Eiji's not ashamed of me," Ash said. "Why should I be? I didn't have a choice. And clearly you're ashamed enough for the both of us."

_Please._

_Please tell me you're not._

_Please tell me it's not my fault._

_Please! I'm not eight years old anymore, but it's not too late. Please._

"Your kids might be ashamed of you," said his father, and that's when Ash felt something break. His father wasn't even trying to be mean, and again, he'd rather he try.

"Ash?"

A voice from the door. He turned to see Eiji, drenched, carrying a soaked Aurora, Griffin shivering behind him. "Someone didn't listen and went climbing on the jetty, and fell in." Eiji's lips were blue, and his teeth chattering so much he could hardly talk.

"I've got blankets." His father turned to rush up the stairs.

"I'm not ashamed of my dad," Griffin piped up. "He's the best. _Both_ of them are the best." He scowled at his grandfather.

"Griffin, it's okay," Ash interjected. _It's all okay._

_I'm okay._

He was bleeding inside, and he couldn't look at Eiji, because he knew he would break down.

* * *

**_Kid Profile:_ **

_ Sing Xiaoli _

_ Age: 6 _

_ Birthday: July 7 _

_ Likes: Soccer, science, her siblings, nail polish, cats.  _

_Dislikes: Her brother’s imaginary friend, mean people._

 


	3. A Lion with Wings

For a moment Eiji had truly thought he'd lost Aurora. He had warned her not to clamber up a particular rock, turned his back for a second, and had a heart attack when he turned back around in time to hear a splash. The water closed over him, stabbing with cold, but she was fine, and he was fine, but when they returned, Ash was not.

Griffin only asked once what happened, why his father had said that he'd be ashamed, and when Ash didn't answer, their son dropped it.

_Ashamed…_

He really wasn't surprised Jim Callenreese had said such a thing, and yet. Eiji still wanted to cry, wanted to shield Ash from those barbs, but words were a unique weapon, impossible to block and capable of cutting in the most painful places every time, cutting with a dirty blade that would lead to a festering infection, an infection resistant to treatment.

Eiji put the kids to bed when they got back to New York, Ash carrying Aurora into the apartment since she'd fallen asleep in the car. They'd return the car to Yut-Lung in the morning. Eiji sent Yut-Lung and Sing a text with a quick summary.  _He said he wouldn't talk to the press & hadn't heard anything._

When Eiji got to their room, he found Ash flopped onto the bed with his shoes still on, face buried in a pillow.

"Ash, shoes," Eiji teased, tugging his husband's shoes off his feet. Ash grumbled something intelligible. "Do you want to talk about it?" He eased himself down beside Ash.

Ash hmphed, rolling over to peer up at Eiji. "How much did they hear?"

"Only the end, you saying he was ashamed enough for the both of you, and then what he said about them," Eiji said.

Ash closed his eyes. "Could have been worse, I guess."

Every time he thought of Jim Callenreese, Eiji couldn't understand how Ash and Griffin could have come from a man like that, a man who treated his sons like they were options he was tired of, a dartboard for him to hurl his own disappointments and disgust at. "Ash, it's not true."

"What's not true? That I was a whore and my kids will probably eventually find out and not exactly want to brag about it?"

"That they'd be ashamed of you. There's a difference between not wanting to brag about something and thinking that you're a bad person for it! Because you're not." Eiji glared at him. "You're not,  _Aslan_ , you're not."

Ash closed his eyes. "I told him that I wasn't ashamed anymore. It was kind of a lie."

"It doesn't have to be." Eiji lay down next to him. "You know, you're allowed to be weak in front of them. The kids. They're not going to hate you for it. Your dad was mean, again. It's okay for them to see that that hurts you, so when they're sad over some bullies at school they can know that it's okay to be hurt, and it's not something to be ashamed of—being hurt."

Ash moaned. "Are you trying to tell me to talk to Griffin?"

"Eventually." Eiji propped his chin up on his fist.

"Why are you so smart?"

"You have the IQ that's off the charts!"

"Excuse me: it is in fact, charted. Your EQ is probably equivalent."

"Well, we balance each other out then." Eiji winked. Ash leaned up to kiss him.

"I'll go talk to him." Ash pried himself out of bed.

Eiji hadn't necessarily meant right  _then_ , but he got to his feet anyways, padding down the hall to listen.

"You okay, Dad?" Griffin asked sleepily.

"Mm-hm."

Eiji peered through the crack in the door. Ash was sitting on the edge of Griffin's bed. The room was small, a gabled ceiling decorated with ink pieces Yut-Lung had helped him do, finger paintings, sketches. One of his paintings, the one of their family and Yut-Lung and Sing's family complete with that imaginary friend of Jingwei's, won a prize in the school's art fair earlier that fall.

"What you heard your grandfather saying had nothing to do with you," Ash said, hand on their son's knee. "It's an old—conflict—between me and him. He still loves you and Aurora."

"He doesn't love you, though?" Griffin sat up.

"That's not what I was saying." Ash was quiet. "He does."

 _Don't lie,_ Eiji thought.

"In his own way," Ash said. "Just not as—well as I wanted him to. Want him too, I guess."

"Why'd he say I'd be ashamed of you?" asked Griffin. "That was—mean."

"Adults can be mean, too." Ash drew in his breath. "Griffin, when you get older, I'll tell you more, okay? And it's not because of you that I don't want to tell you right now, but there are things that happened and things that I couldn't control, things that embarrassed your grandfather. Maybe they shouldn't have, but they did. And those things are—very—they hurt me, and so I don't like talking about them. They make me sad. I'll tell you when you're older, though."

"Oh." Griffin was quiet. "They hurt you?"

"Mm."

"I didn't think anything hurt you."

Ash laughed. "No, Griffin, that's not the case."

"Oh," he said again. "Did Grandpa's words hurt you today?"

"Yes," Ash admitted.

Eiji heard rustling. He spotted Griffin wrapping his arms around his father. Ash closed his arms around their son, too.

"It'll be okay," Ash assured him. "Adults have fights too sometimes, like you and Aurora."

"Have I ever embarrassed you?"

"No," Ash said firmly. "You could never. Well, don't test that theory. But no matter what you do, I am proud to call you my son. Promise."

"You know," Eiji said when Ash left Griffin's room, closing the door quietly behind him. "Every time I think I can't fall more in love with you than I already am, you prove me wrong."

Ash's face reddened, visible even in the dark.

"You're blushing," Eiji teased, hopping up to peck Ash's cheek. "We're  _married_ , Ash." But he knew. Ash would never get tired of hearing it, because he needed constant reminders. And that was okay, because Eiji was happy to provide them, because Ash lived the same words he spoke.

Ash grabbed him, hoisting him up and carrying him to their bedroom, kissing.

Ash fell asleep first, both of them sweaty and bare. Eiji closed his eyes, remembering the first time he told Ash he loved him. Golzine had been dead for months, and he and Ash were making out on one of the couches in the ridiculous apartment Ash kept because what else was he going to do with that money. Eiji could feel it in Ash's tensed fingers, the fear he was trying to fight, and he sat up, pushing Ash away.

"It's okay," he'd said. "We don't have to do anything more tonight." They hadn't gone that far yet, though they'd talked about it.

"It's okay," Ash said.

"No," Eiji said. "You're too—I can wait, Ash. However long. I'm not here for—I'm here because I love you." It just came out. He hadn't thought it was a big deal to say, because he'd already been showing Ash he loved him for well over a year now.

And Ash's eyes had popped. He turned away, burying his face in his hands.

"Are you okay?" Eiji instantly worried. Had he—

"You  _love_  me?" Ash managed.

Eiji frowned. "Yes…"

Ash's shoulders shook, and that was when it clicked for Eiji. Had anyone ever told Ash that before and meant it? Griffin, maybe. So Eiji wrapped his arms around Ash and repeated it again. "I love you."

It was a few days later when Eiji went into the bathroom to brush his teeth while Ash was showering behind the curtain, and Ash called out to him. "Hey Eiji."

"Mmph?"

"Want to join me?"

Eiji spat out the toothpaste. "Huh?"

"In the shower, if you want to. Or if you want to miss an opportunity to see whether I really do have blond—"

"Are you serious?" Eiji's pulse picked up pace. The heat from the shower wrapped around him. And he wanted to. He wanted to so much, but he didn't want Ash to do it because he felt he had to, but because he wanted to.

"Yes." Ash was quiet. The sound of water pattered around him. "Please."

Eiji slipped his shirt over his head. His heart pounded in his ribcage. He'd never been fully naked in front of another person he was attracted to. But he slipped into the shower, steam rising around them, and he and Ash looked at each other, nothing between them, no barriers, only space that could easily be crossed. Ash's gaze immediately focused on the scar on his left rib cage.

"You have so many scars," Eiji pointed out.

Ash snorted.

"And you  _are_  blonde."

Ash bopped him over the head with a shampoo bottle, and he laughed. This was how it was supposed to be, Eiji thought, playful, both of them laughing, hands running over each others' torsos, lips running along his side, Ash finally moving Eiji's hand to between his legs, drying off together and heading towards the bedroom, Eiji admitting he was nervous and Ash's eyes widening and him saying: "me, too."

And they knew then that it was okay, that they were both bumbling and hoping, arms and hands and legs entangled in hair and skin, pulses beating against each other, breaths humid and fingers interlocked. Eiji asking what to do, Ash answering, guiding each other. Their bodies met and their arms clung to each other, both anxiously checking to make sure the other was okay, panting, figuring out how to move best together, gasping, a cringe and shifting to make things more comfortable, and finally shivers running through Eiji because he was having sex with Ash and Ash was having sex with him, and their bodies were linked and something else too, something spiritual, and Ash reached to cup his face and managed, "I love you, Eiji."

And Eiji knew what Ash was thinking, feeling. Because it was never like that before for Ash, with barriers down and people not pretending to have everything figured out, but figuring it out together, more concern that they were both mentally enjoying it than physically, and instead of breaking something down they were building something up, together.

* * *

"Nothing," Sing reported, checking their phones. "Sounds like Ash's dad was a bitch, though."

"Maybe it'll just go away, then." Yut-Lung finished combing his hair. He hated Ash's father almost as much as he hated his long-dead brothers. "And that sucks." Jingwei's latest drawing was taped to his mirror. All five members of their family, plus the imaginary friend floating in the corner.

"Yeah." Sing shook his head.

"My brothers used to say the same shit about me," said Yut-Lung. "And my mother. Except they were the ones forcing me to—well. It's not much different for Ash's dad. If he'd just been a father then none of this would've happened."

"True." Sing climbed into bed, pulling Yut-Lung close. "At least you shut down Chinatown's brothels."

"Well, I'm sure they're still open, just not with my support." Yut-Lung bit his lip. He constantly worried that by antagonizing the unwritten laws of the organized crime world, he was risking his children. But he didn't want to create more people like himself or his mother or Ash. He didn't want anyone else to go through that. It terrified him sometimes, thinking of where Mingyu, Xiaoli, and Jingwei could have ended up as kids abandoned. Just like Jim Callenreese ditched his kids.

He liked to think what he'd done would make his mother proud. Especially since he had ordered anyone listening him to leave the actual women and men working alone, and people who hurt them got punished instead. Yut-Lung handed said pimps and johns over to Charlie, usually.

"Oh, by the way," said Sing. "Mingyu has to do a project on a historical figure."

"She told me."

"She wants to do Empress Theodora. Because she says she reminds her of you."

Yut-Lung's eyes widened. "How does she even know about her?"

"She read the kids version of the story, a love story about her and Justinian, and asked me about it."

Mingyu knew about them shutting down brothels, though she probably didn't understand what it really meant because they were leaving those details out. But Yut-Lung had told them about his mother being sold to his father, and said his brothers had sold him. They didn't know what they did to his mother, nor what exactly being sold meant besides that it meant hurting them. "As long as she doesn't put that on her poster."

Sing kissed Yut-Lung's cheek and looked at him with those eyes, the eyes that suggested he wasn't just tolerant of Yut-Lung, but actually proud of him. That he liked Yut-Lung.

Yut-Lung still couldn't believe it. He reached for Sing.

Their door flew open.

 _And, never mind_. Yut-Lung propped himself up on his elbows.

Xiaoli stood there, sniffling, her stuffed bird, the one Eiji bought her when they adopted her, clutched tightly to her chest. "I had a bad dream."

"What about?" Yut-Lung held out his arms. She headed towards him, climbing up onto his lap and burying her face in his shoulder.

"I dreamed—there were a bunch of ghosts chasing us in the house, and I couldn't find you or Jingwei or Mingyu, and so I ran to my room to hide and then I turned and there was a ghost in my window watching me, and then I woke up."

"That sounds scary," Yut-Lung said, rubbing her back.

"It was." She stuck her thumb in her mouth.

Yut-Lung removed her thumb. "It's okay, I promise." He closed his eyes.  _No one's going to hurt you_. "There are no such things as ghosts." He hoped anyways.

Xiaoli wound up sleeping between him and Sing for the night, which meant Yut-Lung got next to no sleep, and the sleep he got was haunted by dreams of the stuffed bird turning into a demon. He also got accidentally kicked quite a few times, but that was okay. He used to crawl into his mother's bed after a nightmare too, and she would stroke his hair and sing him a Chinese lullaby.

He sang those words, soft and gentle, inside his head. He'd sung it to his kids multiple times in the past. It soothed him, hearing her voice, even if only just in his memories. And he held her grandchild.

He might not believe in ghosts, but he did believe she could see him, somewhere.

When he opened his eyes, it was to Xiaoli's stuffed bird staring him straight in the face. Yut-Lung caught himself before a swear emerged. Sing moaned, turning off the alarm. Yut-Lung dragged himself up, letting Xiaoli get an extra few minutes before getting them all ready for school. He braided Xiaoli's hair and pulled Mingyu's into the high ponytail she liked.

"Sleep at all?" Sing asked, arching an eyebrow after Yut-Lung dropped them off.

"Not really."

"Same."

"At least her nightmares are about fantasy creatures," Yut-Lung commented. Sing nodded. "All this—stuff about the reporter is making me think about things. Again."

"I know," Sing said. "I can see it on your face."

Yut-Lung scowled. "Are you saying I have wrinkles?"

"You're in your thirties now; aren't you supposed to?"

"You're walking to work!" Yut-Lung shrieked.

"You don't; it was a joke!" Sing yelped.

He watched the kids enter the building. "I wish I was more like Ash."

"Oh God, not again." But Sing took Yut-Lung's hand.

"He's brave, facing his father with his kids," said Yut-Lung. "I kind of want to tell Mingyu she can't do that project. Even if she doesn't directly address anything about me. I don't want her knowing about it. I don't want people hearing about it. It's all about me."

"I think that's normal," said Sing. "You can."

"You'd be mad at me."

"Not actually. Why do you think I want you to suffer?"

Yut-Lung blinked, staring at his husband, who removed the sunglasses he wore sometimes, the glasses that reminded Yut-Lung of Shorter Wong. Sing arched his brows.

_You're not ashamed of me?_

Yut-Lung knew it, but reminders—he nodded.

They made it to the office, where Yut-Lung crunched some budgetary numbers. His phone rang around noon.

The school. Yut-Lung rose. "Sing?"

"Yeah?" called Sing's voice from across the office.

"Come here." Yut-Lung pointed. "The school's calling."

"Oh great," complained Sing. "What did Xiaoli do now?"

"What if something happened to Jingwei?" Yut-Lung answered, putting the phone on speaker. "Hello?"

"Mr. Lee?"

"Yes. Mr. Miller?" Yut-Lung kept his tone cordial, but daggers at ready.

"Can you come down to the school with your husband?"

"What's going on?" Yut-Lung demanded. His heart picked up pace. The principal's voice sounded unusually somber. "Is—"

"We've had a serious incident. The sooner you can come, the better."

"Are they okay?" Sing demanded.

"I'd rather you—"

"Just tell me!" screamed Sing.

"Come down to the school," Mr. Miller repeated.

Yut-Lung grappled for the keys. Sing already had them, sprinting for the door. Fear jumped up Yut-Lung's throat. Xiaoli wouldn't have done anything violent, serious enough to warrant that tone. What if that stupid other kid had shoved Jingwei down a flight of stairs, or—

Sing drove. When they pulled into the parking lot, Yut-Lung leaped out before the car had even stopped running. Yut-Lung skidded to a stop at the sidewalk leading up to the brick building. Ash and Eiji stood there, frozen.

"You too?" gasped Sing.

_Shit._

"Oh God," said Ash.

All four of them burst into the office, but no kids were in there, only the secretary and the principal.

"Oh, good, you're all here," eked out Mr. Miller.

"Yes," Ash said. "We are."

"What the hell is going on?" demanded Yut-Lung. "You call us from work and—"

"We've already called the police, but—"

"What?" screeched Sing.

"—neither Mingyu nor Griffin came back from recess today, and we've searched the school and the woods around the blacktop, but we haven't been able to find them."

Silence. Yut-Lung felt the words constricting his chest, suffocating him.

"They're missing," added Mr. Miller, as if that was remotely helpful.

Eiji let out a cry, stumbling back against the wall.

"What the fuck are you talking about? How does something like that happen?" bellowed Sing.

And Ash turned to Yut-Lung, his face twisted in horror by what they'd both realized.

_We weren't careful enough._

_We failed our kids._

_This reporting—it's related. Somehow._

_We're nothing but failures._

_My daughter…_

_You can't hurt her! She's innocent! If you have to hurt someone, hurt me!_

The principal pulled Xiaoli, Jingwei, and Aurora from their classes. Ash was on the phone, calling Blanca and Max. Eiji called Charlie, Nadia Wong's husband, a cop they actually knew and trusted. Sing called Cain and Lao, and Yut-Lung sat there, useless. He didn't even know what to tell his other daughter and son, who were both in tears, nor Aurora, who was like a niece to him.

"We don't know that it's an abduc—" started the principal.

"Yes, we do," Yut-Lung said helplessly. "Trust me. You don't have any idea of what's going on."  _And it's my fault!_

_Why did I let them go to school? Why did I not take it more seriously? Why did—_

"Daddy!" screamed Xiaoli, running towards Yut-Lung. Aurora flung herself at Eiji and Ash, Jingwei at Sing. She sobbed into his shoulder. His arms felt like thorned branches that might tear her apart.

"It's okay," Yut-Lung managed, digging his hand into her hair. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

He wanted to believe it.

* * *

_**Kid Profile:** _

_ Griffin Riku Okumura _

_ Age: 9 _

_ Birthday: November 11 _

_ Likes: Drawing, painting, school, cooking, Mingyu.  _

_ Dislikes: Jingwei imitating everything he does, mustard. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (they're okay & won't be hurt i promise!)


	4. Spirit Guardian

"We don't have any idea where or who," Eiji said, clutching Ash's shoulder.

Ash felt like he was going to vomit. He clenched and unclenched his hands. His mind filled with all sorts of images, memories, twisting and churning.

_I couldn't protect my kid._

Yut-Lung looked as if he was in no better shape, covering his mouth and shaking.

_We're both still just scared kids ourselves._

Ash wasn't sure how they got to Chang Dai, but suddenly they were there, the familiar smell of Nadia's dumplings and pork filling the air, a steaming cup of tea shoved into his hands. Charlie and other cops were milling around, and Nadia looked down at him. "He's going to be all right, Ash. They both are."

Ash shook his head.

Shorter's voice haunted him. " _Ash… I can't anymore… please…"_

"He will," Nadia insisted, forcing Ash to look her in the eyes. "You'll save him, Ash. I believe in you."

Her and Charlie's daughter, Gracie, now in middle school, was coloring with Aurora, Xiaoli, and Jingwei, watching them. Relief surged through Ash. Cain and Lao arrived with Alex, Bones, and Kong, all of them older, faces lined, but the same determination Ash had always seen written into their faces. They looked to him, to Cain, to Sing.

"I have people on it," Cain said. His girlfriend headed over to the kids. Aurora threw herself into her arms, crying.

The door banged, and Ibe, Akira, Michael, Jessica, and Max raced in. Jessica had a gun with her, Akira was in tears, and Max headed straight to Ash.

 _I failed,_  Ash thought, looking at Max.  _Dad, I failed._

Max grabbed him in an embrace. "We're gonna find them," Max insisted, voice rough. "I promise you."

"I contacted cops on Cape Cod," said Charlie. "They'll keep watch over Jim Callenreese's communications, in case someone tries to contact him."

Ash hoped he wouldn't call. He did not want to hear any pity in his father's tone, any sense of karma.  _I'm just like you I'm—_

Eiji buried his face in Ash's shoulder. Ash couldn't even comfort him.

"Rebecca Wiley," Yut-Lung kept saying. "The reporter."

"She's not at her address," reported Jenkins.

It had to be her. Ash hoped that when they found her, he got the chance to tear off her limbs.

Blanca arrived next. His eyes widened when he took in Ash's expression, an expression Ash and suspected was a carbon copy of Yut-Lung's in that moment: shining with terror, breaking apart with sheer desperation, the nausea that came from what they both knew all too well could be done to kids.

_In the end, I really am no better than my own father. I let my kid get kidnapped._

Jenkins engaged Blanca in a conversation about leads. Ash tried to focus. He couldn't even do that; his brain felt as if it'd been scrambled. Why was he so damn useless? Why couldn't his thoughts go anywhere? His IQ was probably the highest in this place, dammit, and he—

"Ash," Max interrupted his flagellation.

Ash looked at him, empty.

"Drink your tea," Jessica ordered, shoving the lukewarm cup back into his hand. Ash stood in front one of the cracked leather booths, unable to sink into it. Jessica and Max crowded around. Eiji stood next to him, a pillar of support.

"I have to—"

"Function," said Max. "It's gonna be okay."

"You can't promise that!" Ash's voice cracked. "You know. You saw those photos. You know what can happen to kids when they fall into the wrong hands—and if it's someone who knows about me and Banana Fish, what if they do to Griffin and Mingyu what they did to my brother Griffin and to Shorter? What if they—"  _I can't lose them._ Griffin was too sweet, he seemed like he understood the other night, he was  _good_ , he was kind, he didn't deserve any of this!

"Ash, stop," Eiji pleaded. "We—"

"I can't." Ash clenched his fists. "Eiji, I—"

"Ash—"

"Yut-Lung knows," Ash said, and Yut-Lung and Sing both turned around. Yut-Lung had been staring blankly into his cup of tea as well. "We both know."

"It's my fault," Yut-Lung finally said aloud. "I knew something was wrong—it wasn't sitting well, that reporter situation—and instead of pressing, I just wanted to pretend it was fine, pretend that nothing like that would happen again—I should have pressed, I—"

"I've been feeling it too," Ash said miserably. Eiji took his hand.

Sing sighed. "We all wanted to believe it—"

"It never ends," Ash whispered. "It will never, ever end, will it? I'm so incredibly selfish for—he'd have been better off without me—"

"Ash, stop!" shouted Max. "It's not your fault."

"It is."

"It is not," Max snapped. "Was it my fault when those men attacked Jessica and Michael? Was it?"

Ash blinked.

"It was mine," said Yut-Lung, getting to his feet.

"It was your brother's, but shut up," said Jessica.

"It's not your fault. The only way you can protect them completely is to lock them inside a box like a pretty bird that's never able to fly. But you'd never, ever do that," Max said. He gripped Ash's shoulders. "Please."

"He's right," came Blanca's voice. "You and Yut-Lung both need to stop blaming yourselves. You have kids. Your kids need you. All of your kids."

"Aren't going to say 'I told you so?'" Ash retorted. He couldn't help it. The coals burning inside him needed to be thrown at someone, or else they'd burn to ash, and he'd be left with just himself, just him, and he was afraid.

"Ash," Eiji said quietly. "I don't blame you, okay?" His eyes were bright, wet.

Ash shook his head. He gritted his teeth. "I—I'm  _poison_  for my kids." He might as well be Banana Fish itself, because everything that he'd done and that had been done to him was controlling his kids' lives now too, nightmares coming alive, plunging them into a world they couldn't escape from, no matter how long it had been. It'd be forever. "The fact that he's related to me is what—and Aurora, too—"

"Don't you say that!" Eiji erupted.

Everyone flinched. Sing rubbed his chin. Yut-Lung wiped at his eyes.

"You are not poison for them," Eiji snapped. He glared at Ash. "How can you say that? You're—their  _father_! And you love them!"

"More than anything!"

"Right, so stop thinking they'd be better off without you! Were you better off without Griffin, your brother Griffin? Were you better off without Blanca? Would you be better off without Max?"

"Way to call them all out, Eiji," mumbled Sing. Jessica was nodding in appreciation.

Tears ran down Eiji's face. "Don't ever say that again. Please, Ash. I don't want to imagine life without you, without our kids who are just as much yours as mine. Blood doesn't matter and you and I both know it. They're our kids, and they need us. Please. We have to get Griffin  _back_."

Ash gulped. His throat ached.

"Your kids need you to be strong right now," said Blanca, rubbing the back of his neck.

"What would you know about that?" Ash shot back. His words from long ago lingered.  _Did I view Aurora and Griffin as my salvation? As a do-over? But they aren't. They're Aurora and Griffin, not me, not my brother, not Eiji or any of us. I only ever—want them to be them._

"A lot," Blanca snapped. He grimaced. "A lot, because I wasn't strong for  _either_  of you, Ash, Yut-Lung. Griffin and Mingyu need you, and so do Aurora, Xiaoli, and Jingwei. They're scared. All of them are scared and they need you to be the strong ones."

"My God, he said something good for once," mumbled Max.

Ash narrowed his eyes at Blanca. He had a pile of stones he could throw at Blanca if he wanted to, but there was a look in Blanca's eyes he'd seldom seen before. Openness, unclothed, regret.

"I should have rescued you," Blanca said, looking directly at Ash, his voice thick. "I should have taken you to the Caribbean with me. I should have taken you, Yut-Lung, instead of sending Sing to do it for me. I should have said no when Dino asked me to—I should have tried to protect you from yourself, Yut-Lung, instead of just from assassins and Ash."

"Dude, after all this time?" demanded Sing.

Yut-Lung looked to Ash, his mouth hovering open.

"You  _love_  those kids," Blanca said. "And I—do too. So we're going to save them, okay? No matter what it takes. I don't fail missions. You can't control everything, but when we get them back, you all are enough to be their safe place. You don't get to blame yourselves like that. Not when, if anyone should be blamed, it should be me for letting you fight your battles alone for so long."

"He hasn't been alone," Eiji said softly.

"Neither has he," added Sing.

Ash gulped. He looked at Max, at Jessica, at Eiji. And Eiji opened his arms. Ash clung to him. He felt Eiji shudder.  _Breathe_.

_You're scared, too._

"Daddy?"

Oh, fuck. Ash cringed, turning to see Aurora peering up at him. Her eyes were red, swollen.

Ash knelt down, pulling her up in his arms. He didn't care how big she was getting. He clung to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm scared."

"I know," Ash managed. "Me, too."

"I want Griffin back."

"Me, too." Ash pulled back. "We're going to do—whatever it takes, okay, Aurora?"  _I'm going to get your older brother back._  He thought of the other Griffin, how he waited and waited for him to come back, how he pleaded with him to recognize him, and all he saw was a shell.

 _Not this time_.

Eiji's words echoed from long ago.  _You can change your fate._  It didn't have to repeat. He could change theirs, too, as much as he could.

_God, Griffin, Shorter, help me._

* * *

_Not my fault._  Yut-Lung wanted to believe it. He sat next to his daughter, across from his son, whom Lao held on his lap.

"Daddy, is it my fault?" Xiaoli asked out right.

Sing gaped. Yut-Lung started. "Of course not." He needed to keep it together. For her. For him. For Mingyu.

"I wasn't paying attention during recess," mumbled Xiaoli, tracing the edge of her paper. "Maybe if I had, I could've—"

" _No_ ," Yut-Lung interjected, realization surging through his veins and stinging, burning.  _What am I teaching these kids? To blame themselves? To take responsibility when it's not theirs_?

 _I don't want you to feel like this._ The sticky shame, the grime that cut at his skin when he tried to peel it off, the guilt that clung to him. He couldn't bear the thought that Xiaoli might blame herself, no matter what happened to Mingyu, might feel lower than roadkill, might hate the face in the mirror, might think she deserved nothing when she deserved everything.

_No matter how much I bleed, I want it gone._

Yut-Lung pulled her onto his lap. "It's only the fault of whomever took her, okay? Griffin and Mingyu—it's not their fault, and it's not yours. It's not your job to protect your siblings."

_But at least you want to._

_You're good. You're so good, Xiaoli_.

"I'm scared."

Yut-Lung's lip trembled. "I am too."

She leaned her head against his chest.

"She'll be okay, Xiaoli," insisted Jingwei, squirming on Lao's lap. Lao winced, letting Jingwei stand up on the booth bench. "I know she will."

He hoped so. Yut-Lung nodded.

"Exactly," Akira assured, Michael holding her hand. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

"You can't know that," countered Xiaoli.

"By God, it's baby you," mumbled Lao to Yut-Lung.

"Evie says so," Jingwei retorted. He folded his paper into a paper plane. "Mingyu will only be gone a few days. And she told me yesterday, so."

Yut-Lung frowned. Sing's eyebrows pinched together.

"She  _told_  you?" asked Sing.

"She's not real; she can't tell you anything!" shouted Xiaoli.

"I told you, I drew her enough that she became real!" snapped Jingwei. Lao reached for the paper plane.

 _Oh my God._  Yut-Lung beckoned to Ash from across the restaurant, frantically gesturing him over. He met Sing's gaze, horror settling in Sing's eyes.

"She's not! You just use her as an excuse to tell me and Aurora to go away when you want to spend time alone! And Mingyu always takes your side!" Xiaoli burst into tears.

"Jingwei, does Mingyu talk to Evie too?" asked Sing, controlling his voice.

"Uh-huh." Jingwei nodded, but he looked scared to see his sister crying. "Xiaoli, I—"

"Griffin? Does she talk to Griffin?"

"Yup."

"When did you last talk to Evie?" asked Yut-Lung.

"In his mind," mumbled Xiaoli.

"Mm… last night." Jingwei drove the paper plane away from Lao's grasping hands and into his cheekbone.

Yut-Lung's heart started to pound. "Was Evie at school today?"

"Dunno."

Ash arrived. Yut-Lung gestured for him to bend down, and Yut-Lung hissed in his ear: "Ash... Evie is not an imaginary friend. She's not imaginary, and she's not a friend."

"Huh?" Ash gaped.

"What did Evie talk to you about?" Lao pressed. He finally removed the paper airplane. Ash sprinted across the room.

"I dunno. Mingyu said—she was a reporter." Jingwei tried to grasp the airplane back. "And she told cool stories. About you and Ash being superheroes. Sometimes she talks to me from my window."

 _Great_. Now Yut-Lung wanted to vomit. "Has she ever been in your room?"

"Nope."

Okay, good. Yut-Lung felt relieved. "What did she say?"

"That she wanted to tell the world how cool you are. So then people wouldn't make fun of me or Xiaoli."

Xiaoli's jaw fell open.

"Mingyu and Griffin thought she was—"

"Xiaoli, did you get a look at the face in the window? Last night?" Sing demanded. "From your nightmare."

_Holy shit. What if that wasn't a dream?_

Xiaoli's eyes widened. "It was a dream!"

Charlie hurried over, dragged by Ash. "What—"

"Charlie, can you show Jingwei and Xiaoli a picture of Rebecca Wiley?" Sing asked, gripping the table so tightly it seemed as if it would snap in half.

Charlie pulled out a photo of a blond lady, young and pretty. Ash's gaze locked in on the face, something bloody and dangerous bruising his irises.

"Evie," Jingwei said. "See, Xiaoli, I  _told_  you she was real!"

 _Real and a kidnapper_! Yut-Lung wanted to vomit.  _If you hurt my daughter, you goddamned bitch, I will strangle you with your own guts. Ash, show me how._

No matter what happened, though, his son was going to be hurt. Evie wasn't the friend Jingwei thought she was.

 _You hurt my son_.

The world wasn't an innocent place.

Sing reached for Jingwei, pulling him onto his lap.

"That's the face," said Xiaoli. "In my window. The ghost in my dream."

"She's not a ghost!" squeaked Jingwei.

"No," agreed Charlie. "She's not. She's a person."

"Jingwei, what else did she say?" demanded Sing.

"I dunno. Last night I saw her and she said Mingyu and Griffin would go away for a few days and then come back." Jingwei's lip started to tremble. "Did I do something wrong?"

Yut-Lung didn't even know how to answer. It wasn't his fault. But they were going to have to reiterate the stranger danger lesson.

Jingwei sobbed, and Sing cradled him against his chest.

"Hey, I know her!" exclaimed Aurora, appearing at the table. She pointed at the photograph in Charlie's hand. Eiji doubled over, Ibe holding his shoulder.

"You do?" Ash eked out.

"Uh-huh." Aurora's chin bobbed up and down. "She was at the art fair in the fall. The one Griffin won a prize at."

 _For the drawing of us… and Evie.._.

"Did you ever see her again?" demanded Ash.

"In the library when I snuck away from Michael and Akira, but she just asked me where Griffin was." Aurora stuck her thumb in her mouth. "I said he wasn't there and then I went to find Dad."

_How in the hell._

"How did I fail so badly?" Yut-Lung muttered to Eiji. Nadia took Xiaoli, Aurora, and Jingwei for hot chocolate.

Eiji arched his eyebrows.

"Okay, I don't want to blame myself, but someone was preying on my son and daughter right under my nose and I—" Yut-Lung clutched his hair, tugging. "I should have realized."

"So should I," Eiji said miserably. "And it sounds like Evie  _was_  originally an imaginary friend."

And he'd encouraged it. Because at least Jingwei had someone, even if it was just a part of himself, who liked him. Yut-Lung closed his eyes. His son was so sweet and so kind, why did the kids at school have to make fun of him just because he talked differently?

_It's not his fault._

_It wasn't my fault._

Yut-Lung inhaled, remembering all the accusations Hua-Lung and Wang-Lung would hurl at him, telling him it was his blood to be a whore, that he was beautiful for a reason, for a reason they could exploit.

 _I can't fix things. But I can love him and try to help_. And maybe that would be enough. He remembered when Sing showed up at his house, lowered the gun, told him he didn't hate him.

_You love me._

_And it's enough._

"She can't just be a reporter," Ash said.

"She is," said Blanca, swinging around a tablet. "But her parents are doctors. And her father worked at the hospital where Dr. Mannerheim—"

Ash swore.

"Bad words!" shrieked Xiaoli, appalled as she returned from the kitchen with Nadia. Aurora laughed and started repeating the word.

"Not now, Aurora," hissed Eiji.

"But then—" Ash turned and met Yut-Lung's eyes.

_She would have been looking into Banana Fish. Not for a story. Or for a different kind of story._

_She wants to find it._

"There's none left," Sing managed. "I dropped it into the flames; nothing could have survived that! They couldn't even identify Golzine's bones! The entire hospital went up in flames!"

"It was an inferno," Cain agreed.

"What if they don't know that?" asked Charlie.

Everyone turned and looked at Yut-Lung. "Oh, fuck."

"Is there something you want to tell me like ten years ago?" Ash asked.

He scowled. "No. It's all gone. But I do have records of it. And—okay, I used it on Hua-Lung, back when things were still—Sing's told you that, but—I don't see how they could have gotten wind of it."

"Hua-Lung's in a facility," said Sing. "He's been there for over a decade." It would have been a mercy to kill him, but Yut-Lung couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd done enough.

"No one has asked questions?" demanded Ash.

"Not that I've heard, but I don't exactly regularly visit him." Considering he was the man who raped Yut-Lung.

"I don't blame you," Ash said quickly. "It just explains things."

"It looks like she did a story on nursing homes," said Blanca. "It's entirely possible she visited the one Hua-Lung is at and recognized the symptoms from her father's descriptions, or it's even possible she did an internship or volunteer work, since she would've been in high school at the time. Her father's also apparently lost his medical license for drinking on the job. Five years ago, from the look of it, and her parents are divorced as of three months ago."

"Fucking bitch," muttered Jessica.

Yut-Lung squeezed his eyes shut. Of course Hua-Lung was still managed to fuck up his life even now. And Yut-Lung's own past was haunting him. He gritted his teeth. "How about locations? Do we have any clue where she might be?"

"I have an address for her father and one for her mother," said Charlie. "And I'm sending officers to interview people who've worked with her, as well."

Yut-Lung paced. "What's the address?"

"Do not ask me that."

"What's the address?" repeated Eiji.

"Not fair." Charlie scowled. "The police are already on their way. We'll—"

"I don't trust the cops," Ash shot back.

Charlie closed his eyes. Nadia shoved another cup of tea into Ash's hands.

"There's a plane leaving from a private airport an hour north of here, scheduled later tonight," reported Blanca.

"Huh?" Yut-Lung rushed over. "What—"

"I found it on the dark web," said Blanca. "You know. For assassins." He swallowed.

"Oh my God," said Yut-Lung. "Is there—activity—in this area?"

Blanca nodded.

Eiji let out a cry. Ibe had to hold him up.

"They're dead," whispered Yut-Lung. "Rebecca Wiley and her father, aren't they? And my—my—"

"We don't know that!" managed Charlie.

"Charlie," said Ash. "I have to go."

"No, Ash, you don't."

"He does," broke in Sing. "And so do I. That's my daughter we're talking about!"

"And my son," Ash managed. "I can't just wait around, I can't, that's my—" He gripped Eiji's shoulder.

Charlie opened his mouth. Jenkins groaned.

"Asking us to trust the police isn't the same as asking us to trust  _you_ , and you should know that," said Ash. He folded his arms.

"I can't agree," Charlie said helplessly. "But you've got a professional former assassin with you; I can't be held responsible for what I can't control. And the cops aren't aware of the airport."

Yut-Lung turned to Sing. He bit his lip.  _I'm no good in action._ Eiji appeared to have the same thought. He looked to Ash.

Yut-Lung didn't trust the police, but he did trust Sing. He squeezed Sing in an embrace. "Get her back safely."

"I will," Sing promised, voice trembling.

Yut-Lung could use a glass of wine right now. But he avoided drinking after Sing confronted him about using it to dull his feelings years ago. But right now he felt lost at sea, floundering in a storm, sinking.

_Mom…_

_I couldn't save you._

_I want to save her._

His voice echoed from years and years ago, another time, another victim.  _You're weak when it comes to your loved ones._

_I've always been weak when it comes to them, too._

_I don't care. I don't care. I'll be weak._ Because he was stronger, too, and where he wasn't strong, Sing was. His brothers always scoffed at him when he looked to their wives and kids as if expecting them to treat him with any compassion, to cut him a night off, to deal one less bruise.  _You are a Lee. You are a dragon._

_You are a devil, a snake, a lynx, a leopard._

_No, we were only ever human._

_And humans are weak, and yet_. His mother might've been able to run, if it wasn't for him. But she didn't, for him, reaching for him, screaming his name.

 _We are weak, but being human is better than being strong_.

_Let her be okay. God, please._

_I want to hold her in my arms again._

* * *

 

**_Kid Profile:_ **

_ Sing Jingwei  _

_ Age: 5 _

_ Birthday: December 28 _

_ Likes: Daydreaming, stories, paper airplanes, his imaginary friend, Griffin. _

_ Dislikes: Broccoli, his lisp. _


	5. Bright Jade

"We have an hour to make an almost two-hour drive," Blanca said.

Ash nodded, stepping out into the dark night. Wind blew, frigid knives cutting at their faces. Sing, Cain, Alex, Bones, Kong, and Lao were all following along. _We're the strangest gang ever._

"Charlie said we're not allowed to kill," said Sing. "Unless necessary. He said 'please,' so we should probably listen."

Ash gulped. He looked down at his hands, clad in black gloves Aurora (or, Eiji) had bought him for his birthday back in the summer. _Can I?_ It was still automatic, sometimes, to kill. Even if he hadn't killed anyone in years.

 _I don't want my son or Mingyu to see me like that._ They were too young.

Then again, who knew what they had seen already. He clenched his fists. He had to remember. Had to keep it in his mind. He loved those kids, and he wasn't going to lose them, and he didn't want to kill because he loved them.

"Got your motorcycle, Sing," said Lao.

"I'll drive the rest of us," said Cain. "See you there."

"You have the address?" Ash asked Sing.

Sing tossed him a helmet, fastening his own over his head. "Yeah. Hold on."

Ash rolled his eyes. Gone were the days when Sing was a shrimp whom he could intimidate, who looked up to him. They'd been meeting eye-to-eye for awhile now, and honestly Ash had been looking up to him just as much for years.

Sing took off. The wind was brutal in this weather. Christmas lights sparkled. Griffin loved Christmas lights. Ash vowed to decorate their entire living room and kitchen and also Griffin's bedroom with Christmas lights if they all came out of this okay. And they had to.

He remembered zooming along New York's streets with Shorter, both of them yelling things like "fuck juvie" after they'd gotten out. Sing would have been really just a kid then. Maybe Ash had met him, but he wouldn't remember. The moon glowed bright above them, splashing them in silver light.

_Shorter, if you're there, help us._

Sing ignored speed limits. Good. So did Cain, and it almost seemed as if they were racing each other, but of course they weren't. Ash's heart pounded. His son—what if they'd hurt him? Could he really stop himself from killing Rebecca Wiley and her father then? And what the hell were Griffin and Mingyu even thinking to get themselves in this kind of—

_Griffin, you're grounded forever._

Sing swerved to avoid a patch of ice.

_What if this is our life? What if we'll always be chasing?_

He supposed Eiji would drag him along, if so.

Sing slowed as they reached what looked like a huge field. Lights glimmered in the distance. Small planes, for the rich.

Blanca jumped out of Cain's car. Lao was shaking. "Charlie said they got a call—Rebecca Wiley and her father are dead. The kids aren't there, but their school bags are."

"Son of a bitch!" Ash kicked Cain's car.

"Do not," snapped Cain.

_You fucking idiot, biting off more than you could chew, endangering my—and you're dead now—_

"Charlie and Jenkins have SWAT on their way," added Lao, teeth chattering and not from cold, in all likelihood. "But—"

"They'll kill them, won't they?" asked Ash.

"They want you in a country where you have no resources," said Blanca. "If SWAT gets too sloppy, then, yes." He adjusted his rifle. "I'll stay up here."

"So you'll be killing them."

"No, I'm shooting a chemical that's going to knock them out immediately for at least twelve hours, of Sing's husband's invention," Blanca retorted.

"Pacifistic weapons," Sing offered. "Just sell them as weapons and leave off the fact that they're not killing and you'd be shocked how many people will buy them anyways."

 _I can't_. Ash shook his head. "Well, this has real bullets." He held up his gun.

"As will they." Blanca jerked his head. "Get going." His jaw was set, knuckles white.

"I've seen that look on his face once before," said Sing. "When we were in that hospital, that night. He's not going to miss." The grim look on Sing's face suggested he had no intention of missing, either.

Ash nodded. Sing, Cain, and Lao took off in one direction, heading towards the planes, Ash leading Alex, Kong, and Bones in the other, towards the actual airport. Bones carries a briefcase. "The hell is that?"

"Jessica lent some grenades."

Ash didn't even want to ask. Charlie was probably not going to sleep for a week worrying about all the criminal activity he'd heard about tonight that he wouldn't do anything about. But not because he didn't want to stamp out crime like most cops, but because he actually got the point of law enforcement far more than anyone else. Protecting people.

_You're one of the few good people I know, Charlie._

_Shorter would like you._

"A few guards in the corridor there," reported Alex, peering through binoculars. "I don't see the kids. Some receptionists, normal people who probably have no idea that the guy reading the magazine or the woman on her phone are in some kind of mob."

"Jessica also gave us some tear gas canisters," said Bones. "In her defense I think they're Blanca's."

Again, Ash was not going to ask. "You wanna?"

Bones smirked, grabbing two canisters and running.

 _Sorry, receptionists and rich parents jetting off to the Bahamas,_ Ash thought. The kidnappers had probably played off Mingyu and Griffin as kids, too—their kids. Maybe they'd been given something to make them sleep.

"Nice one, Bones," said Alex. "People are freaking out, running around. Oh, the two guards are heading towards the back."

Blanca was probably keeping watch over Sing and the others on the tarmac. Ash sprinted for the building, Kong and Alex behind him, Bones joining as they raced in an emergency exit people were rushing out of, gasping. Ash yanked his scarf up over his mouth. His eyes stung. His lungs burned. He didn't care.

Gunfire. Out on the tarmac. "Shit!"

"Keep going," Alex hissed.

"Search the rooms, right?" Kong broke open a locked door.

"Right," Ash choked out. _Sing, don't get yourself killed! Don't get any of yourselves killed!_ He couldn't handle Griffin blaming himself for something like that.

Ash burst into an empty women's room, shoving open each stall. He yelled their names. He couldn't help it. He raced over the tiles, the fumes dissipating the further he ran, his gun firing of his own accord, aiming not to kill but to incapacitate. " _Griffin! Mingyu!"_

"Ash, this way!" bellowed Alex's voice.

Ash wheeled to his left, charging down a hallway. A woman dressed in a business suit fired at him. He shot her hand, knocking the gun from her, stepping on her hand to break it as he ran towards the exit. More gunfire peppered the air. People would be hurt—the kids—Griffin with his soft eyes and—

He burst out a door to find himself in a hangar, doors shutting and someone in an unfamiliar voice shouting about a sniper. _Thanks, Blanca._ But now Blanca couldn't—

A bullet narrowly missed his skull. Ash ducked. He spotted Sing and Cain, firing from behind a plane. Lao looked to be behind another one, bullets the only sign of his life. Kong and Bones were behind a plane, in danger if anyone tried to shoot the—

Alex shot someone who had the exact same thought Ash did. _Get away from something with gas in it, idiots!_

They were all risking their lives for them. For their kids. His son, Sing's daughter. Ash wanted to cry.

And then heat, and light, and sound. One of the planes towards the back, shot from where it looked like Lao was hiding. And Ash was screaming, and he couldn't even hear himself. _What if they were—_

There. Right there. Griffin and Mingyu, running together, holding hands. Ash's scream changed to his son's name, the movements to form his name familiar in Ash's mouth even if he couldn't hear it.

Mingyu slipped in what looked like a puddle of gasoline. Griffin whirled around, but it was okay—Sing had seen, Sing was running closer just like Ash was, Sing had snatched Griffin in his arms and raced for his daughter too—

"One more step and she dies!" A man with slicked back hair had sprung out of nowhere, now holding a gun to Mingyu's chin. He clutched her by her hair.

" _Mingyu!"_ screamed Griffin.

"Mingyu!" Sing shoved Griffin behind him, protecting him. Ash didn't hesitate.

And then his son's eyes turned to his left, and they landed on Ash, gun in hand.

The bullet fired. The man howled as the bullet went into his buttocks. Cain sprung, sending another shot to knock the man down, yanking Mingyu to safety. Sing was screaming, sobbing, holding his daughter. Lao grabbed them both, dragging them out of the hanger. Ash swooped down, snatching his son. He couldn't scream. He couldn't even breathe now. Griffin clung to him, and Ash ran faster than he'd even run in his life, his son safe and alive in his arms, sobbing over and over again. He raced up the hill, towards Blanca, towards wailing sirens and flashing blue and red, towards Charlie smiling, and he realized what his son was saying again and again.

"Daddy, I love you, Daddy."

Ash dropped to his knees. Around him Cain had a grazed shoulder, Lao a likely concussion, and Alex kept coughing from the tear gas, but Kong and Bones were fine. Blanca was informing Charlie of what happened. Sing, like Ash, had fallen to the ground holding his child, bawling like he often teased Yut-Lung for.

He pressed his lips to the top of Griffin's head, unable to speak. Tears fell hot down his cheeks. His son kept repeating it.

"I love you, too," Ash croaked. "You're—did they hurt you?"

Griffin shook his head.

Relief poured through Ash. He folded his head over Griffin's shoulder. _You're okay. You're really okay._

_I love you so much._

* * *

"I'll watch them," promised Jessica after the receptionist gave them the room numbers.

Eiji nodded. He and Yut-Lung flew through the hospital's emergency room doors.

"No running!" scolded a nurse. Eiji didn't even stop to apologize to her. He couldn't. His heart was in his throat and sweat dotted his forehead and he felt like he was about to throw up. He found the room number, across from where Mingyu was, and flew inside.

Griffin and Ash both sat together on a cot, Ash with his arm draped around their son. Ash had a bruise on his hand, but nothing serious.

"Dad!" shrieked Griffin.

Eiji flung himself at his son, squeezing him and gasping. Tears streamed down his face. Griffin sniffled. Eiji met Ash's own eyes, wet. _You saved him._

_I knew you would._

"Are you hurt?" Eiji eked out.

"No." Griffin shook his head.

The door opened again. Charlie appeared.

"Uncle Charlie!"

"Hey there, kiddo," Charlie said. He met Ash's gaze. Ash mouthed that he was okay, and Charlie nodded. "Got a few questions for you, if that's all right with your parents."

"Sure," said Eiji, sitting down next to Ash, Griffin on his lap. He might be nine and getting too big for this, but not right now. Eiji wanted to protect him forever and he couldn't fathom that they'd almost lost him.

Ash squeezed his hand. Eiji felt the ring on Ash's hand, its promise.

Little by little the story poured out. Charlie didn't mention that Rebecca Wiley was dead and Griffin didn't seem to know, which relieved Eiji. That could wait.

"She said she was working on a story about you, Dad." Griffin kicked his legs out. "It was mostly Mingyu who wanted to—she said that if Mingyu helped prove her parents were heroes, Jingwei and Xiaoli wouldn't be bullied anymore, so—" He frowned. "I don't want Mingyu to get in trouble." His cheeks reddened.

"She's not with us at least," Eiji assured. "I think Yut-Lung and Sing are too happy you're both okay to be mad."

"So she'd just talk to us and bought us things like ice cream and stuff. She didn't ask us to do anything. And then she said to meet her at recess because she had a surprise, and then she took us to her house, and her dad was weird, and she—Mingyu wanted to go home and she hit her and said we couldn't go—" Griffin's lip trembled. "Then the other guys showed up and we were asleep."

"She hit Mingyu?" Ash asked sharply.

Griffin nodded, crying. "I told her to hit me instead and she laughed. She seemed like she was a friend, but she was mean."

She was a total bitch, but Eiji kept that to himself.

"I just—wanted to help—" Griffin wiped at his eyes. "They said they knew people who hurt—both of you and Yut-Lung and Sing before—"

"Hurt how?" Charlie asked, tone even.

Griffin shrugged. "Didn't say."

"Thank you, Griffin," Charlie said, patting the boy on his knee. "You've been very helpful. And brave. It must have been scary."

Griffin nodded. "But I knew they'd be coming. All our dads. Even when they were saying they worked for people who hurt you, I knew you'd come."

Charlie looked as if he was about to cry. Ash's mouth fell open. Eiji felt frozen. _To our son… we're not broken._

"I'll give you a minute." Charlie left.

"If the bullying is getting so bad, why didn't you tell me?" asked Eiji. Ash's face screamed the same question.

Griffin shrugged. "You and Dad always seem to have everything sorted out. Everyone likes you, and I—"

"That isn't true," Eiji cut in. He almost laughed. "Griffin—Yut-Lung used to bully me."

"Huh?" Griffin's eyes widened.

"It's true," Eiji said. "But eventually we—worked things out. We talked to each other and to other people for help, and lots of people helped us. Blanca and Cain and Alex and Kong and Bones, Sing and—" _Well not Lao_. "Lots of people. You don't have to do everything on your own."

"That's how I got myself in a lot of trouble," Ash said. "Trying to do things on my own too much. Then your father came along."

Griffin almost giggled. "Really?"

"Really. I'll tell you the full story another day." Ash cleared his throat. "Griffin… none of us four were heroes. We did some good things and we did a lot of bad things to do good things, but it's very complicated. Some people will never think I'm a good person and that's okay."

"Well, I think you're a good person," said Griffin.

Ash's eyes misted. "I think you are, too."

Ash's phone rang. Eiji glanced at the screen and held it up. _Jim_. Ash's face whitened.

Eiji answered. "Hello?"

"Eiji? How is—is my son—is Griffin—"

"Ash saved Griffin," Eiji said quickly. He hesitated, looking at Ash. Ash gave a tiny nod. "Do you want to talk to Griffin? He'd probably like to hear from you."

"Um, okay—"

Eiji handed Griffin the phone. "It's your grandpa." He tugged Ash away for a moment as Jessica, Max, and Aurora finally arrived, Aurora shrieking and rushing towards her brother.

"Got the full story?" came Blanca's voice behind them, as Eiji was weighing what to say.

"Pretty much," Ash confirmed. "Thanks, by the way."

Blanca shrugged. "It doesn't seem like there is a lot that could have been done to prevent it."

"That's not reassuring."

"I don't know," said Blanca. "What reassures me is how well you two—you four—handled it." He put his hand on Ash's shoulder. "They'll be all right."

"He's talking to his grandfather now," Ash said. "Who's suddenly concerned." Ash's voice cracked.

 _Why didn't he protect you? Why didn't he show up, guns blazing, to rip that coach away from you, move you away, hold you and tell you it was all right? Why did he tell you to prostitute yourself?_ Eiji had no answers. He rested his chin on Ash's other shoulder. Ash exhaled.

They watched as Max swung Aurora around, teasing her. Griffin hung up the phone and immediately rushed towards Blanca.

They had good grandparents, too. Eiji checked his own phone and saw a dozen calls from his mother. Akira and Ibe probably let her know. He sent a text and a promise to call in the morning.

 _You can't repair every wound._ His hand traced his scar, the place a bullet cut through him, and he saw Yut-Lung and Sing emerging with their kids, and he smiled at Yut-Lung. _But some you can._

He put his hand on Ash's shoulder, the place Foxx had once stabbed him. _And when you can't… I'll hold you._

_My soul is always with you._

* * *

Yut-Lung was shaking and crying, Mingyu in his arms. She'd already sobbed her apologies, scared she'd upset them, knowing she should have come to them instead of trying to do it herself.

"We're here to help you," Sing assured her.

"We _love_ you," Yut-Lung repeated again. "No matter what. Okay, Mingyu?"

She wiped her nose. "You're not mad at me?"

Yut-Lung shook his head.

"What about Jingwei? He didn't know—he really thought it was Evie and I thought it'd make him happy—"

"It's okay," Yut-Lung insisted. "You wanted to make him happy. He just didn't need an elaborate lie, because most lies hurt in the end even if they're well intentioned."

"But you learned a lesson," said Sing. "That's okay. We're all learning."

"What if he—hates me?" whimpered Mingyu. "Or Xiaoli. She knew something was wrong and I told her—not to worry—"

"Oh, sweetheart, they won't hate you," Yut-Lung assured her, taking his daughter's hands. "I promise." He met Sing's eyes. "I did something really, really bad to your father once, and to your uncle Lao. Not even with good intentions. They forgave me. Your brother and sister will forgive you, I promise."

It was, possibly, the first time he'd said aloud that he'd done something horrible, and not hated himself for it. Because Sing loved him, in spite of it. Sing married him, and because of Sing they had these three children Yut-Lung loved more than anything.

"You did something bad?" Mingyu blinked.

"Yes," Yut-Lung said. "And your dad told me he loved me anyways. And that he would help me. Yes, Mingyu, you should have talked to us. You made some poor choices, but even if you'd known what you were doing, we'd still love you and want to help you, want to save you."

Mingyu's eyes welled up. "I wanted to be brave, take care of people, help people, like you."

 _That's what you think of me_? Yut-Lung met Sing's gaze, Sing with his mouth open.

"You are," Yut-Lung assured her. "And I'm only... I wasn't brave for a long time. And I didn't take care of people. But I learned how to. You'll learn to. It's okay to make mistakes."

"If we had died, would it have been my fault?" Mingyu pressed her face into Yut-Lung's shoulder. "I really thought they might kill us. And Griffin was just trying to help me, and if he'd died because of me, I—"

"He didn't," Yut-Lung told her, cupping her face, her cheeks soft and damp. "Neither of you died. It's not your fault, Mingyu. You're a kid who made a mistake. We're not mad. Ash and Eiji aren't mad at you, either, and neither is Blanca, or Charlie, or Nadia, or Uncle Lao. We all are just glad you're okay." _Please believe me._ He didn't know how to convince her. He need to, though. He couldn't stand to watch her in so much pain, hating herself, when he loved every part of her, even the times she was selfish or obsessive about studying, or too trusting.

Living it, he supposed. Love was messy and complicated, filled with nuance and shifts, unpredictable and a risk, with every person a unique risk.

_Someone who isn't loved cannot love._

_I'm loved. And I love. I love so many._

"You don't have to be perfect," Yut-Lung choked out. "You're not a failure." No matter what. No matter what.

She clung to him, sobbing. "I was—so—scared."

Sing came over, sitting on her other side. Both of them held her. "We were scared, too."

Her sobs quieted. Sing rubbed her back.

The door opened, and Xiaoli and Jingwei rushed in, both hugging Mingyu so tight Sing had to remind them not to strangle their sister.

"She's a good big sister," Yut-Lung whispered to Sing.

He nodded. "She is." He glanced at Yut-Lung.

"For a moment," said Yut-Lung. "When we were waiting for news, I was afraid it was karma, for what I did to Hua-Lung."

"He was never a brother to you," said Sing. "He abused you."

Yut-Lung swallowed. "They'll probably find out someday."

"Yes," Sing said. "And I'll be here. And they will know how much you love them, even if they're angry, because you show it to them every day."

"I do?"

Sing smirked, his thumb tracing Yut-Lung's chin. "Yeah. You do. It's something I love about you."

"Tell me more." Yut-Lung tossed his hair.

Sing snorted. "You love that you love them. It makes you happy. You radiate joy when you're with them. Like Eiji, you seem to have an endless well of empathy."

"Like you, too, you mean." Yut-Lung's face flushed.

Sing kissed his temple.

* * *

_You used to be filled with hatred. It poured from every word you spoke._

_It was never more than a shadow. It was only ever love that you wanted to show, and be shown, and couldn't._

_Loving you is an adventure. I get to wake up each day and see you resurrect, come alive, and feel alive too._

"Why _him?"_ Lao had asked when he first found out after seeing them kissing. "He tried to kill us!"

"You tried to kill Ash," Sing had reminded him. "And ditched me."

"I don't approve."

"I didn't ask." Sing shrugged. "He's not who you think he is."

"I'd rather you found a nice girl and settled down and had kids like any—"

"I don't know how much I like girls. Maybe a little bit." Sing's nose wrinkled.

"Okay, fine. A nice boy."

"Yut-Lung is nice."

Lao moaned.

"I don't need to lead the gang," said Sing. "I'd rather—be with Yut-Lung than be a boss. Like Ash with Eiji. I care about all the guys, but—you're probably better suited to lead them."

Lao studied him, and then he smiled softly. "But they chose you."

It took Sing years to free himself from the underworld, but with Yut-Lung and Lao's help, he did it, and his guys still had as much protection as Yut-Lung could give them. His relationship with Yut-Lung was equally slow-moving, pettiness chipping away and arguments frequent, but laughter more so, and kisses became heavier and deeper, until when Sing was eighteen and Yut-Lung turned twenty and they were making out and Sing's body was reacting beyond his control, and Yut-Lung asked him if he wanted something.

And then Yut-Lung was kneeling in front of him. "If you want to," he'd said. "I'd like to."

And Sing had nodded.

"I don't want to pressure—"

"You're not," Sing cut in. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever want to."

"And you were still here?" Yut-Lung blinked.

"Yeah," Sing said. "I can always jerk off alone. I can't spend time with you with anyone else." _Because I love you_. "Don't cry!"

Yut-Lung sniffled. "You're crying."

"I am not!" Sing's eyes stung.

"Are too," Yut-Lung teased and Sing laughed. _I just realized I love you._

He didn't say it just then, though, even as waves of ecstasy rolled through him. It wasn't even his body so much as that realization: _I really love you._

 _And you love me._ He didn't even need to ask.

When he led Sing to his bedroom, Sing found that Yut-Lung had scattered rose petals and couldn't keep himself from teasing him. "Planning this, were you?"

Yut-Lung shoved him. Sing pressed him up against the wall, kissing him, and Yut-Lung bit his lip gently. His fingers roved through Sing's hair as Sing hitched him up. Sing pulled Yut-Lung's shirt over his head, his knuckles tracing Yut-Lung's tattoo.

When their clothes were in a heap on the floor and they'd moved towards the bed, Yut-Lung stiffened.

"What's wrong?" managed Sing. Yut-Lung was tiny in comparison—maybe he was—

"Nothing," Yut-Lung said, turning over.

Sing caught Yut-Lung's wrist. "I'd rather face you."

Yut-Lung's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," said Sing. "I'm not just—doing this to feel good. I want to see you." _I want to make love to_ you _, not just screw for the sake of screwing._

Yut-Lung's lips opened slightly, curving upward in a smile. "Okay."

It soon became apparent that Yut-Lung did, in fact, know what he was doing. But he didn't mind teaching Sing, shifting and adjusting, and whenever ghosts invaded, he would reach up and cup Sing's face, as if to remind himself.

_It's you._

"I love you," Sing finally whispered, and shock fell over Yut-Lung's face. And then something else: a full smile.

He didn't even question it. He wrapped his legs around Sing's waist. Sing felt teeth on his ear. "I love you, too." Yut-Lung's voice sounded almost giddy, freefalling, spinning, something e couldn't believe he got to say, but he did.

Yut-Lung couldn't maintain a cool facade in the end, and neither could Sing, but that was okay. Their chests sticky with sweat, Sing held him.

_I want a life with you._

He didn't care about the ghosts battling for Yut-Lung's face in that moment. He'd spend his life batting them away, because he was someone who saw Sing and believed in him, always had, gave him sound advice, pulled him back on his feet just like Sing pulled him back up, too.

Whatever kind of life they would build, he wanted it with Yut-Lung. Even Lao came around, minus the one time five years ago where he had to stay overnight and found pink handcuffs in Sing's dresser and spent two weeks not speaking to either of them.

* * *

They left the hospital as dawn broke through the clouds, Yut-Lung carrying Jingwei. Xiaoli and Mingyu held Sing's hands. Eiji carried Aurora, and Ash had his hand on Griffin's shoulder.

"Call you later?" Sing asked. "After a nice long nap?"

Ash snorted. "Yeah." Aurora was proclaiming that she would never ever make fun of her brother ever again.

 _This life we have together,_ Sing thought, watching as Yut-Lung buckled Jingwei into his car seat, careful not to wake the boy. Mingyu was tried to figure out how to buckle herself in without letting go of her hug with Xiaoli. _It's a good one._

* * *

 

**_Kid Profile:_ **

_ Sing Mingyu _

_ Age: 8 _

_ Birthday: February 14 _

_ Likes: Makeup, dresses, fairy tales, dancing, hugs. _

_Dislikes: Math, getting lower than a B in school._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, that's a wrap! Thank you for reading along; it was fun to imagine the happiest of futures (okay with a side of angst) for these boys. I have a boarding school au fic for Banana Fish that I'm working on right now and hope to publish this weekend.


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